Gabriel
by DiDiGlee
Summary: Spin-off to NO REGRETS
1. Wildcat

**Summary: Gabriel works at a mental facility in Los Angeles. Meeting Blaine Anderson has stirred some ghosts of his past. **

**Main Characters: Gabriel O'Brien, Joey O'Brien, Damian Fernando**

**Warnings: Well, I've rated this M just to be on the safe side. I guess there's gonna be talk about suicide. I'll make sure to give warnings in the particular chapters. Also, bad language because Gabriel can't hold his tongue at times. **

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**This is a spin-off of my story NO REGRETS but it will not feature Blaine or Kurt (except for very short scenes). This story is supposed to give some background information on my OC Gabriel which I don't want to tell in all length in No Regrets. I know that FF Net is not the right place for original stories but since this story is based on No Regrets I hope you don't mind. **

**Of course you can read this without reading No Regrets, but if you're planning to read No Regrets I advise you to read that first and then return to this story when you've reached chapter 35.**

**I borrowed the adorable Joey from White Blank Page, a story by the adorable _normallyweirdm_! Thanks for making Joey Gabriel's younger brother! He's absolutely perfect for the job! ;)**

**To all you wonderful guys who are faithful readers of No Regrets, I hope you enjoy this little spin-off. Please let me know!**

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**Wildcat**

It was after midnight when his phone rang. By the sound of the ring tone Joey knew it was his brother calling.

Of course. Gabriel would never call at daytime or early evening. It was only in the middle of the night when he had a rough time finding sleep and had already spend hours twisting and turning and fighting his demons unsuccessfully.

It was only when he got desperate for distraction because he couldn't stand being alone with his thoughts any longer.

Still, despite the late hours of their chats Joey wished his brother would call more often. The last time they spoke was almost two weeks ago and Joey had started staying awake himself, wondering if his brother was okay and constantly checking if he had his phone nearby.

Now Joey grabbed for his phone on his nightstand and answered it while rubbing his eyes.

"Hey G!"

"Got a minute?"

Gabriel's voice was calm but Joey noticed the slight tremble that told him his brother had been crying. It was clear to him that this would take more than just a minute. He expected to be talking for the next two hours at least.

Sometimes they wouldn't even talk. Sometimes even when there was nothing to say they'd just stay on the phone, taking comfort from each other's breathing, knowing someone was out there. Joey knew that as long as he heard his brother breathing, at least he was still breathing.

"Sure." He reached for the lamp on his nightstand and blinked at the sudden flash of light. "You're alright?"

"Yeah, kind of," Gabriel replied, sounding a bit miffed. "It's this boy…"

A boy in Gabriel's life? Wow. This was news. Clearly, Joey had missed something.

"You're seeing someone?" Joey's cheerful voice raised an octave.

A low chuckle was the answer. No. There was no new romance for Gabriel.

"Stop peeing yourself at the possibility of me dating someone, Kermit. How's your own love life processing? Have you finally asked Cathy out? Or do you rather want to wait yet another two years?"

"So who's this boy then if he's not a possible love interest?" As usual Joey quickly avoided talking about Catherine because his big brother would only make fun of his poor attempts at romance.

"He's..." Gabriel paused to let out a deep sigh. "I met him at work."

"So he's a patient?" Joey's spirits dropped below zero. Nothing good could come out of this.

"He came in a week ago," Gabriel confirmed, his voice throaty. "He's in my care."

"Tell me about him." Joey knew that Gabriel couldn't really talk about the patients that were in his care in that mental facility. As an orderly he was bound to confidentiality. But Joey knew enough by now to question the integrity of that facility.

"His name's Blaine. He's only seventeen."

Joey listened up. Never before had Gabriel mentioned a patient by name. He'd always come up with those cute or annoying nicknames for everyone, depending on whether or not he liked that person.

"He's always singing." There was a smile in Gabriel's voice. "When he's conscious, that is. I call him Wildcat, 'cause he was all claws and teeth when he first arrived. Broke my nose."

"HE DID WHAT? Oh, my God, Gabe, are you okay?"

Joey sat up with a start and had his feet out of his bed before he knew what he was doing. It wasn't like he could just run over to Los Angeles now that he worked in Ohio. He missed being able to just get into his car and drive over to his brother's in a minute.

"Relax, it's just a broken nose. You don't need to start jumping around your place in panic, little frog."

"You know as much as I do that a broken nose is a serious matter and..."

"Joe, stop it, you're not the doctor our parents wanted us to be. You're just a plain cute little nurse like me, so stop it, alright? I didn't call to talk about my stupid nose. It already bugs the hell outta me that the guys at work think it's hilarious to call me Nose Guy. I mean, seriously? Can't they come up with something more creative?"

"Okay, go on," Joey stifled a yawn and rubbed his neck. "What about your wildcat then? I mean you scowl at me for weeks when I just so much as step on your foot. This boy can punch you in the face and you don't mind?"

"Well, yeah..." Gabriel's voice turned soft. "You know, he looks a lot like Damian. I mean, he's not an exact look-alike but... he's close."

Joey felt his throat constrict. He hadn't heard Damian's name coming from Gabriel's lips in a long time.

"What's his treatment?"

"Dr. Nolan put him into the darkroom as soon as he got here," Gabriel said and added with a deep sigh, "He's been in there for a week now."

Joey shivered. He climbed out of bed and unconsciously turned on all the lights in his apartment. He remembered the time when Damian had been in the darkroom. He remembered Gabriel telling him about the crying and pleading. About the screams. About everything.

"What are you going to do about it?" Joey asked his brother in a hushed voice, pacing his bedroom.

"What can I do?" Gabriel asked in defeat.

"The usual," Joey suggested. "Mess with his pills. Make sure he gets enough food and stays strong. Talk to the parents and recommend treatments that sound promising but are in fact harmless."

"What if the usual's not enough?"

"You said the boy's strong?"

"I can't say for sure. I can only hope."

It was the first time for almost three years that Gabriel actually cared about someone. Whoever this boy was he was making Gabriel feel something again. This thought terrified Joey.

"Gabriel... are you sure you wanna do this again? Please, don't invest too much of yourself into helping this boy." Joey couldn't hide that he was worried. Of course he was worried. He didn't want to talk Gabriel out of caring about someone but nobody could blame him that he was scared that his brother got too involved into someone else's life.

What if it all went awry again? What if this time it would push Gabriel over the edge?

What was the chance that he was actually able to help this boy anyway?

"If I don't help him through it, nobody will."

"And who's there to help _you_ through? You need to think of yourself!" Joey insisted. "You need to finally quit that cursed job and move on! Staying doesn't do you any good!"

"Yeah, you're right."

To his utter surprise Gabriel agreed with him. Joey raked a hand through his unruly dark brown hair and let out a huff. "I must have misheard you. Did you just say I was right? Did you just agree to something I'm preaching you for three years now?"

"Look, the day Wildcat gets out, I'll quit," Gabriel promised. "When he goes, I go."

_When he goes, I go._

A chill went down Joey's spine. Go where, Gabriel? After all, three years ago he'd been close to following Damian, too.

"I think I can come to L. A. this weekend," Joey pondered, biting his nails, and stopped his pacing in front of the mirror on his closet. He had a picture stuck on it, showing himself with his brother Gabriel and his best friend Damian. Happy times. Long gone.

"What for?" Gabriel's voice sounded a little bit pissed. Joey knew that Gabriel didn't like it when he fussed over him like a mother hen.

"To see if you're lucky and that boy's punch got your nose straight."

Gabriel started to laugh out loud and whined in pain at the same time. Yeah, a broken nose hurt. "Geez, Joey, you wanna kill me?"

"Don't worry," Joey replied with a grin. "You know I couldn't kill a fly."

"I remember a time you killed off your goldfish."

Joey could practically hear the mischievious grin on his brother's face. "I was three!" Joey exclaimed. "And you told me it was okay to feed them chocolate milk!"

"You were four and should've known better than to do what your big bad brother told you to do. Like the one time I told you to bite into your own foot and you did." Gabriel snickered. "You limped for a week!"

"How on earth did you become a nurse, Gabe? Seriously. How?"

"I still wish I had filmed that and sent it to America's Funniest Home Videos," Gabriel went on teasingly.

"I'm gonna kill you on Saturday!"

"Really? Can't wait."

Joey resumed pacing his room and biting his nails. He would have to beg Hannah to change shifts with him so he could fly to L. A. on Saturday morning. She would understand. She knew that he needed to take care of his big bro. Gabriel didn't have anyone else.

When Gabriel spoke up again casually after a moment's time there was a smirk in his voice, "So, about Catherine..."

With a groan Joey slumped face-forward on his bed.

* * *

The day Blaine was brought in was the day Gabriel was on his way out.

This time for real. He had finally quit his job.

He had told Dr. Nolan to go fuck himself.

Well, not in person, unfortunately. That doctor was hard to track down in this building. But Gabriel had stood in front of his office door and let out a tirade of curses.

Then he had kissed his colleague Jenny goodbye. Literally.

Her job was to make out with patients. Jenny _loved_ making out with gay men. She was a strange girl. But they were living in a strange world. Who was he to judge?

Instead he had made out with her every now and then. In exchange she wouldn't be too insistent on her patients, those poor souls who were in the process of being turned straight.

The last step of getting out of this cursed place was seeing Sienna, the receptionist. He slammed his keys and cards and name tag on her counter. "I'm outta here! I quit! You'll never see this happy face again!"

"Really?" Sienna barely looked up from working on her crossword. "Are you sure you wanna leave, Gabriel?"

"Watch me!" With a grin he turned around and called back over his shoulder. "You'll miss me, Sinner! This is your last chance to beg me to stay! Not that I'd care but it might be fun to see you down on your knees."

"I definitely won't miss being called a sinner every day." Sienna's soft chuckle followed him the short way down the hall towards the exit. He already imagined the happy yell his brother would let out when he told him on the phone that he'd quit. Joey would be so enthusiastic about it. At least there was one person he could make happy with this decision.

His determined walk was stopped by the glass door which led to a security vestibule, an entry area for personnel where one door must be closed prior to the opening of the other door. He was flexing his arms impatiently. This two-door entry system always bothered him because it took ages to get out.

This time he had to wait because there was a small group of people just coming in. It was a blonde young woman in a mint colored business suit and matching pumps, her nose up high. She was followed by a tall broad shouldered guy with shortcut blond hair who was pushing a kid in a wheelchair. The dark haired teenager was probably sixteen or seventeen years old and from the daze in his eyes Gabriel could tell that he was heavily drugged.

The woman with the perfectly styled flowing hair turned to the reception. "Valerie McVaughn. I bring Blaine Anderson by order of his father, Richard Anderson."

Gabriel could tell the moment when the boy realized something was wrong. He started squirming in his seat and spoke up in a drawl due to his sedation. "Wait, Val, where're we? Don't wanna... lemme..."

"Stay put," the giant growled and pushed the boy harshly back into the seat.

The boy took in his surroundings and could sense that this was no place he'd like to stay put in. With one quick move that surprised everyone and definitely astounded Gabriel, the boy leaped off the chair and stumbled through the hall. He could hardly walk by his own but he was determined to escape and made his way back to the glass door and banged with both hands against it. "Out! Lemme out!"

It didn't take a moment's time until the giant was with him and took hold of the boy's arm.

"No, no!" The boy started yelling and tried to shrug out of the big guy's vice grip.

"Blaine! Behave!" The blonde snake hissed at him like a heartless person would talk to a dog.

"No, no! Wanna go back home!"

Gabriel could tell that they were doing it all wrong. Couldn't they see that the boy was just plain terrified? Again the boy named Blaine tried to wriggle his arm free and cried out in pain when he almost dislocated his arm.

"Let go of him before he's hurting himself," the woman called Valerie told her companion in a tone that made clear that she was used to giving orders.

The moment he was free the boy ran. But there was nowhere to run. He stopped short next to a big green plant and leaned against the wall to keep himself on his feet.

"Blaine, we don't have time for this," the cold-hearted woman said with a strict voice. "Don't make such a fuss! You don't want me to tell your father about this, do you?"

With an exasperated sigh Valerie addressed Sienna. "I guess we need some help over here."

Sienna had already pushed the right button because two orderlies came down the hallway to join in the fun. Gabriel couldn't help tensing up at the sight of them. Of all people it had to be Jason and Erik on duty today. Gabriel despised those guys for good reasons.

A loud buzz of the door told him that he was free to pass through, but Gabriel found that he couldn't move. He was frozen to the spot, paralyzed by watching the scene in front of him.

"Gabriel? You can go." Sienna's voice startled him out of his trance and he reached out to push the now unlocked door open. He shouldn't care about what was happening to this boy. After all this was none of his business. Not anymore.

The boy backed to the wall, reminding Gabriel of a scared kitten, his hazel eyes heavy with sedation drugs, but still too much aware of the threatening guys now surrounding him. Jason and Erik were edging in on the boy to catch him and get him along the hard way.

"Wait up!" Gabriel couldn't help but move to the scene. "Let me give it a try."

Jason and Erik stopped and shrugged at him.

They stepped away and Gabriel walked towards the boy, slowly and with his hands raised. "Ssh, it's alright, boy. Don't be scared, nothing's gonna happen to you, kitty, relax." Gabriel didn't bat an eye upon this lie. There were a lot of bad things going to happen to this boy, but Gabriel didn't want to have it start with two big guys fighting the poor boy down.

Blaine had his back against the wall, his chest heaving with panicked ragged breaths. Gabriel approached him cautiously. "There you go, good boy. Let me show you the way. We'll have a nice walk down the hall, alright? C'mon."

Gabriel reached out to take the boy by his arm when something flickered up in the boy's eyes. Gabriel saw it coming but he was too slow to react. The boy let out an unhuman cry and smashed his fist right into the young man's face.

Gabriel stumbled backwards and almost lost his balance. A fierce sharp pain went right through his skull and for a moment he couldn't see anything but white spotsdancing in front of his eyes.

His colleagues rushed past him to tackle the boy down and before Gabriel knew it he was yelling, "Don't hurt him! Don't hurt the boy! Geez, he's only scared! Leave him alone!"

Erik and Jason had the boy down within seconds and etherized him with a cloth. Jason picked the limp body up and sat him down into the wheelchair. Along with the blonde woman and her companion they moved towards the nearest elevator.

Business as usual.

"Come here, Gabriel." Sienna was with him and steered him towards a chair. She had a first aid kit and tended to his nose. "Oh dear, I believe it's broken. I'll call an ambulance to get you to a hospital."

"Thanks," Gabriel muttered, although talking was rather painful now. "Can you give me my keys back, please?"

"What for?" Sienna pushed the long blond curls out of his forehead to have a closer look at his nose.

"I'm staying. I take back my resignation."

"But... Gabriel. You just got attacked by a patient. If that's no reason to quit I don't know what is."

"See, I can't quit. With a broken nose I'm gonna need money to pay for medical bills."

"Sue the father," Sienna suggested dryly. "You can certainly assume that his family has money."

Gabriel started to shake his head, then groaned in pain and made a mental note not to move his head. "I'm staying. At least for now."

There had been something in the boy's eyes that had Gabriel fascinated. Behind those hazel eyes there was a sharp mind and a strong determination. This boy was a fighter. He was a wild animal that should never be tamed.

Gabriel couldn't allow this facility to break him.

But it wasn't just the facility.

Gabriel could tell that the blonde woman was up to no good. It was always a bad sign when the parent or legal guardian so obviously didn't really care about the kid's well-being. He was fairly certain that this Valerie would demand the worst kind of treatments for the poor fellow. Gabriel couldn't let that happen without sneaking around in the shadows and interfering.

"I'll be back tomorrow," Gabriel told Sienna with a firm voice.

"You think that's a good idea?"

"No, but when did I ever have a good idea?" Gabriel chuckled and winced at the pain in his nose again. "Call me crazy."

He would take care of that wild cat.

This was the last thing he'd do.

And it wasn't for the fact that the boy had dark curly hair and beautiful hazel eyes and plush lips and reminded him of the ghost that haunted him for all this time.

Maybe this time he could make it right.

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**A VERY HUGE THANK YOU to _normallyweirdm_ and _StormsInNeverland_ for the inspiration and the motivation to write this! I appreciate your love and enthusiasm for Gabriel! This wouldn't have been written without you guys!**

**There are more chapters to follow! A lot of them are going to be flashbacks into Gabriel's life before Blaine. ;)**

**Thank you for reading! Reviews and thoughts are very welcome! :***


	2. Boys Of Summer

**Main Characters: Gabriel O'Brien, Joey O'Brien, Damian Fernando**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee. But Gabriel is all mine!**

**Joey belongs to the wonderful _normallyweirdm_ and her story White Blank Page. **

**Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of my imagination or are used fictitously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales is entirely coincidental.**

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**Boys Of Summer**

When Joey was seventeen his big brother was his favorite person in the whole wide world. For a very simple reason. Gabriel owned a car and let him drive it.

It was summer break, a few weeks before the start of Joey's senior year in high school, and he needed something to impress the girls. What better thing was there than cruising around in a bright yellow Corvette cabrio?

At the time Gabriel was working at the St. Mary's hospital as a nurse and they made an arrangement that if Joey dropped his brother off at work and picked him up again he was allowed to drive Gabriel's car all day long.

Usually Joey took his best friend Hannah along but seriously? You couldn't talk up girls when your best friend who was a girl was with you. Joey also had a few buddies at school but they weren't interested in hanging out with him after school hours or during summer time. He liked to think it was because he was a total nerd. But he'd overheard enough talk to know that they avoided him because his brother was gay.

Meeting Gabriel always was adventurous and fun.

Part of the thrill was that it was strictly forbidden.

Their parents couldn't know that they were still in touch. They had told Joey that it was off-limits for him to have any contact to his older brother because he was a bad influence on him. Gabriel claimed they feared that being gay was contagious. So far Joey hadn't been infected though. Gabriel tried his best to lure him to the _dark side_ but all he'd managed so far was to make Joey laugh so hard his sides hurt.

Also, Joey had just gotten his license and his mother was very reluctant to let him drive the family car. If she knew that Gabriel let him drive a sports car she'd run up the walls.

For a long time Joey had hated his parents for throwing Gabriel out at the age of sixteen. But Gabriel was a survivor and there was nothing that got him down. The fact that Gabriel stayed strong and independent although his family had abandoned him had impressed Joey deeply.

Their mom knew or at least suspected that Joey still had contact to Gabriel. Sometimes she would even ask him how Gabriel was doing and Joey would tell her that his brother was fine. She never asked for details, though. However if their father found out that Joey saw his brother almost every day... well, he had no clue how their father would react. But since he had been heartless enough to throw his eldest son out of the house and never speak to him again, Joey was afraid he'd be on the streets in no time as well.

The brothers loved going to the beach together. Gabriel was an excellent surfer and Joey loved to play beach ball and eyeing up the girls. As much as Joey loved his older brother he had always envied him. Gabriel was fair-haired with brown eyes, and girls loved that. He was easy-going with a big mouth and just chatted everyone up, girls and boys. Joey on the other hand couldn't talk to girls without stuttering and blushing. Hannah was the only exception but Hannah was his friend since kindergarten, she was like a sister to him.

"You know I really started liking you when I realized that you were gay," Joey had admitted to Gabriel once with a teasing smirk. "I didn't have to be afraid anymore that you'd snatch my girlfriends away."

"Which girlfriends?" Gabriel had laughed out loud. "You never had any."

"Duh! But if I had one she would ogle at you just like everyone else does."

"You know what, little bit?" Gabriel had wrapped his arm around Joey's neck. "The girls ogle at you as well. You're just too busy blushing and avoiding eye contact to notice."

"Really?" Joey was amazed. "Is that true? Are girls staring after me?"

"Joey, I hate to tell you but we're in fact blood-related. That makes you almost as attractive as me. Unfortunately though, being handsome doesn't save you from being a bad case of a nerd so you better get used to not getting any action."

"You're so... gah!" Joey had nudged his brother playfully.

* * *

"I'll bring my new friend if that's okay?" Joey asked when he dropped Gabriel off at his workplace. The brothers had agreed to spend the afternoon at the beach together, until then Joey wanted to spend some time in the mall and meet with a friend.

"Is he a nerd like you?" Gabriel asked with a wry grin.

"He's this new kid in town," Joey said and brushed his brown unruly hair out of his face. "We met at the library and while yes, we may have connected over a copy of Harry Potter, no, he's not a total nerd like me."

"It's your summer break!" Gabriel laughed. "What on earth are you doing in the library? Enjoy yourself for once!"

"Excuse me but I happen to like reading."

"How can you possibly be my brother?" Gabriel teased, shaking his head. "Alright-y, who's this Harry Potter loving friend of yours?"

"Well, his family only moved into town like two weeks ago and apparently he's going to my school after summer break and we want to talk to the principal so he gets to go into my class," Joey told him agitatedly.

"Gosh, that's so exciting!" Gabriel teased him again, getting out of the car. "Maybe I should check out the library one day. I heard it's a great place to hook up. All those smart library guys reading porn, they must be _dying_ to try out the real thing."

"Don't you ever go anywhere near my library!" Joey threatened with a wide grin. His brother was a sex maniac and Joey was used to his big talk. In fact Joey knew everything about gay sex by now. His mother would be horrified.

"Take good care of my baby and don't forget to fill up the gas. I'm not paying for your field trips to the town's infamous libraries. You go, little bro!" Gabriel flashed Joey a thumbs-up, then he was gone, whistling, always so damn cheerful.

* * *

When his shift ended in the afternoon Gabriel changed out of his scrubs and into a pair of blue jeans and a white shirt that was a tad too tight. He always looked forward to spending time with Joey. The boy was fun to hang out with and to tell the truth Gabriel was impressed how smart his little brother was, although he loved to tease him about it.

He cared a great deal about his little brother. Joey was the only family he had left and it was nice to have someone around who really cared about him, too. Gabriel had a lot of friends and bedmates in the GLCS where he lived but he wasn't really close to anyone.

Joey had only been thirteen back when his brother had left home and Gabriel was sure that it had been so much harder for Joey to see him being thrown out of the house and abandoned by their parents than it had been for Gabriel.

Gabriel sauntered out of the hospital towards the parking lot, smiling to himself when he saw that his brother was already there, sitting in the yellow cabrio with the top pulled down.

Gabriel approached the car and checked out his brother's friend who was sitting in the passenger's seat and listened to Joey who was just excitedly telling a story.

It was a slender boy with big brown curly hair and pale skin. He was smaller than the O'Brien brothers and his dress style was just awful. He wore a nerdy red cardigan over a blue T-shirt and khaki shorts. A pair of old scratched sunglasses rested on his head, almost hidden away in his mess of curls.

There was nothing special about him and yet there was something that caught Gabriel's eye.

The boy had a smile to die for.

The way his cheeks dimpled, the way his eyes crinkled up, the way his adorably slightly crooked white teeth showed. Gabriel slowed his pace in absolute awe. _Dang_, what a cutie!

The boy looked at Joey with big attentive eyes and he smiled at his new friend as if Joey was the most awesome person in the whole wide world.

_Looky-there,_ Gabriel thought to himself. _Someone's having a crush. _

"Who's your cute friend?"

Both boys startled when Gabriel leaned down at the driver's side. Gabriel's grin expanded when he noticed that the boy blushed at his words.

"Hey G! This is Damian Fernando," Joey introduced them. "Damian, this is my brother Gabriel."

"Nice to meet you, Gabriel." Damian spoke with a soft low voice and reached over to shake hands.

Gabriel took Damian's hand into both of his and held on to it. "Mmh, you have really soft hands, Damian. What kind of lotion do you use?" He slowly rubbed circles into the back of Damian's hand with his thumb.

"I, uh..." Damian stuttered, staring at his captured hand, apparently wondering how to get it back.

"Enough, G!" Joey slapped his brother's arm to free his friend. "You have to excuse my brother," Joey turned to Damian with a roll of his eyes. "He's gay. He flirts with everyone who's male."

It didn't escape Gabriel that Damian's eyes widened at this casual statement. At first Gabriel thought that the boy was shocked to meet a gay man. But when their eyes met there was a wondrous spark in the boy's hazel eyes and Gabriel realized that Damian was rather baffled that Joey was talking about being gay in such a casual way as if it was normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

"And female," Joey continued his list. "Now that I come to think of it he just unabashedly flirts with _everyone_. Including cats and dogs. And the cockatiel over at the rent-a-bike shop just down the beach."

"Oh, I just love animals," Damian said with another one of his killing smiles. He gazed at Gabriel once more but averted his eyes quickly. Gabriel sensed that Damian became positively flustered by meeting someone who was gay.

"Hop into the back, Kermit," Gabriel said with a dismissive wave of his hand.

"No, I'm driving," Joey protested, stubbornly clutching the steering wheel with both hands.

"Kermit. Backseat." Gabriel raised one eyebrow.

"Uh, I can sit in the back," Damian hurried to say and fumbled with his seatbelt.

"No, you stay put, Curly Sue," Gabriel said with a wink and Damian looked up at him with the most bemused expression his face but he let go of his seatbelt.

With a grumble Joey got up and into the back. Gabriel took the driver's seat and grinned at the dark haired boy next to him. "So, where do you wanna go, Damian?"

"We want to go to the..." Joey started to say from the backseat but Gabriel raised a hand.

"You're being very rude, Joey. I was talking to your friend," Gabriel mock-scolded his brother. "So, Damian?"

"We, uh, we thought we'd go to the beach," Damian answered with a shy voice. "If that's okay with you."

"Yay, we're going to the beach!" Gabriel reached over the boy's knees to open the glove box and retrieve his sunglasses from out of it. Sliding his Ray Bans on, he grinned at the boy and steered the car off the parking lot.

"Joey told me you were a nurse," Damian said in a polite attempt to start conversation.

"That's right! Best nurse there is in the St. Mary's!" Gabriel declared self-confidently. "If you ever need someone to take care of you just knock at my door, sweetheart!"

Gabriel loved to see Damian blush again. Apparently the boy wasn't used to petnames. Gabriel would make sure to use any term of endearment known to mankind for him.

"I think that being a nurse is really cool, I mean for a guy, you know, although it's generally seen as a woman's job," Damian stammered, clearly driving himself deeper into the mud. "Not that I think it was a woman's job. If I was a patient in a hospital I'd love to see more guys around."

"I agree," Gabriel said with a big grin. "It's always nice to have a few handsome guys around to leer at when you're bound to sickbed."

"Uhm…" Damian began twisting a strand of hair around his finger to distract from his red face.

"Gabe, just because _you_ stare at men like they're ice cream doesn't mean everyone does," Joey chided his brother.

"Not everyone," Gabriel agreed with a sideways glance at Damian. "But according to statistics every tenth guy is gay! Can you believe that? I have my hopes up for Matt Bomer, because, _dang_, he's hot! Don't you think?"

Damian nodded awkwardly. "Well, yeah, he's quite good-looking, I guess."

"But of course you prefer blond guys, don't you, honey?" Gabriel stated as if it was a fact and winked at Damian again.

Joey slapped his brother over the back of his head. "Stop it, G, or else I'm gonna tell Damy about how you used to torture me when we were kids and he's unlikely to see past your crimes."

"_Damy_," Gabriel repeated the nickname with a sudden tenderness in his voice. "I like that. Can I call you Damy, honey?"

"Uhm, yeah, but please just _Damy_ without the _honey_." Damian pursed his lips in a cute way, like he was trying to hide a grin that he wasn't allowed to show.

"Alright-y." Gabriel was pleased to see how Damian was slowly relaxing in his company. "Besides, I still torture Joey today. I can tell you about all the little things that drive him up the wall. Such knowledge can be useful at times. It's also good for blackmailing."

Damian laughed at that. His laugh was high and loud and then ebbed away in a long drawn-out humming. It was easily the most beautiful sound Gabriel had ever heard.

There was a guitar on the backseat. Gabriel pointed to it. "That yours?"

"Yeah, I like to play," Damian said with a humble shrug.

"Wanna play something for us when we're at the beach?"

"Alright-y." Damian smiled at him and Gabriel's heart skipped a beat. Dang, what the hell was happening here? He only knew this boy for a couple of minutes. Why was his heart pounding like crazy?

Damian leaned back towards Joey in a confidential manner and asked in a whisper, "Why does he call you _Kermit_?"

Of course Gabriel overheard and laughed heartily at that. "Because when Joey gets all excited or upset he jumps around the place like a frog!"

"He comes up with stupid nicknames for everyone," Joey explained with a shrug and a fond smile. "Just you wait, he'll come up with something for you, too."

Gabriel parked his car near the beach promenade and walked around to the trunk to retrieve a blanket. While Damian was busy getting his guitar Joey took his brother aside and hissed at him in a low voice. "Please stop flirting with Damian. He's not gay and I want to keep him as my friend."

"Don't worry. He'll survive a little bit of flirting." Gabriel winked at him. "Besides, you're wrong. He is."

"He's what?"

"One of _my_ kind," Gabriel said with a wink.

"You wish!" Joey huffed and crossed his arms.

"Actually yes, I do," Gabriel replied smugly and then lowered his voice even more as he added in a low singsong, "but he's got a crush on _you_, little frog."

"You're making that up!"

"Hey," Damian approached them cautiously with his guitar case strapped over one shoulder. "You ready?"

"Yeah, we can go! This way," Joey said and went straight ahead. They looked around for a nice spot to spread their blanket and enjoy the sun. Of course the brothers had a favorite spot between a newspaper kiosk and a beachball field.

As they waddled through the sand Damian suddenly stopped and couldn't avert his eyes from the water, awestruck of the sight of the ocean.

"It's so beautiful," Damian murmured, tilting his head and admiring the soft waves rolling in, glittering in the sun.

"Have you never seen the ocean before?" Joey asked stunned.

"Of course I have," Damian replied with a smile. "But it gets me every time. Sometimes you just have to stop and stare when you see something beautiful."

"Well, you'll have a lot of stopping and staring to do at this beach, I can tell you," Gabriel said with a grin, his gaze straying over to a group of young men playing beachball nearby.

"How about we settle down over there?" Joey led them to a shady spot near the promenade but in great view of the ocean and a group of sun worshipers lying in the sand, mostly girls Joey's age as Gabriel noticed. Damian helped Joey to spread the blanket and they settled down.

"Ah, it's_ so hot_!" Gabriel pulled his shirt over his head and stretched casually, showing off his six pack and biceps.

"Bragger," Joey muttered, because his brother was just perfect and of course he attracted some of the girls who craned their necks to get a good look at him. "Do you have to do that, G?"

"What?" Gabriel asked innocently, running a hand down his chest and then linked his thumb in his belt. He sat down on his heels and captured his blond mane with an elastic to keep it out of his face. From behind his shades he watched Damian, but the boy kept his eyes downcast, getting his guitar out of its case and settling it in his lap.

"He's a surfer," Joey explained to Damian with a sigh and pointing at his brother. "I guess if I'd be more into sports I'd had a chance to look like that, too."

"Joey, if you really wanna work out let me give you some brotherly advice," Gabriel grinned at him. "Don't overdo it, start it nice and slow. How about you read some books about it first?"

"Ha, ha," Joey replied humorless and stuck his tongue out.

Damian shrugged out of his cardigan and folded it next to him on the blanket. For a while he just tuned his guitar.

Gabriel watched the boy's long slender fingers move over the strings, trying not to drift off to filthy fantasies.

"What're you gonna play?" Joey asked, not taking his eyes away from the bikini girls nearby.

"Just this song that I like," Damian replied quietly, making Gabriel wonder if the boy was even able to rise his voice or if his low hushed voice would be drowned out by his own guitar.

Damian began strumming a fast steady beat and immediately gained some attention from people around them. Gabriel arched his eyebrow in surprise. Boy, this kid knew how to play guitar.

When Damian started to sing he changed in front of their eyes. His voice was loud and clear, yet emotional and so strong.

"Nobody on the road  
Nobody on the beach  
I feel it in the air  
The summer's out of reach

Empty lake, empty streets  
The sun goes down alone  
I'm drivin' by your house  
Though I know you're not at home"

Soon they were surrounded by beach girls and boys, swaying and dreaming away, admiring the boy with the guitar. Damian didn't take notice of his audience. He kept his eyes on his guitar and his dark curls fell into his eyes, hiding his face away.

"But I can see you-  
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun  
You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby  
And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong  
After the boys of summer have gone"

Gabriel was impressed by his choice of song and the way he sang it. There was so much emotion in Damian's voice, like there was an old soul in this kid's body. He was a boy with dreams and a passion that was ready to show.

"I never will forget those nights  
I wonder if it was a dream  
Remember how you made me crazy?  
Remember how I made you scream?

Now I don't understand what happened to our love  
But babe, when I get you back  
I'm gonna show you what I'm made of"

It was a song of dreaming and longing for a lost lover. It was a song for a man with regrets, not a young green teenager who'd never been in love before. Also it was a very sexy song, definitely a song a mother would tag inappropriate.

"I can see you-  
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun  
I see you walkin' real slow and you're smilin' at everyone"

Gabriel found himself be totally captured by the way Damian was singing it. It was the whole experience, goosebumbs and all.

"Out on the road today  
I saw a deadhead sticker on a cadillac  
A little voice inside my head said  
"Don't look back. You can never look back."

I thought I knew what love was  
What did I know?  
Those days are gone forever  
I should just let them go but-"

Gabriel wondered if Damian was thinking of someone when he sung this and he couldn't help but feel jealous just at the thought that there might be someone special in Damian's mind. Then again Gabriel bet that this boy's never even had a boyfriend before. Maybe he wanted to. Maybe he was searching. Well, the kid was seventeen, of course he was looking for someone. Who wasn't?

"I can see you-  
Your brown skin shinin' in the sun  
You got that hair slicked back and those Wayfarers on, baby  
I can tell you my love for you will still be strong  
After the boys of summer have gone"

When Damian strummed the last chord the little crowd clapped for him and he looked up startled to find himself surrounded by people.

Jane, a girl that Gabriel knew from the GLCS, had even recorded him on her phone. She complimented Damian on his amazing voice and told him he should become a professional musician. Gabriel made a mental note to tackle her tonight and make her send a copy of her recording to his phone.

Damian's little audience moved on and Gabriel was glad to have him all for himself again.

"Didn't you say he was a nerd?" Gabriel chided his brother. "You forgot to mention that he's this superhot musician guy!"

Damian blushed but grinned happily. "I'm not _that_ good," he replied humbly.

"You were _great_!" Joey emphasized. "Believe me, it takes a lot to take the girls attentions away from my naked brother! They were all fascinated by your singing!"

Suddenly Gabriel felt foolish for showing off like that in front of this boy, trying to impress him with his half naked body. He should be more mature than that. God, the kid was more mature than him. He cleared his throat and grabbed his shirt. "It's gets a bit chilly," Gabriel said, pulling it over his head and smoothing the fabric over his chest. "And I don't wanna distract all the ladies around us."

Joey raised his eyebrows at that. "Since when do you give a _damn_ about being a distraction for someone?" he asked with a laugh.

"Language, little brother," Gabriel teased him.

"Duh! I learned all the swear words under the sun from _you_ when I was only five." Joey grinned and turned to his friend. "Say, are your brothers and sisters anything like that?"

"No, not at all." Damian shook his head with an amused smile and cast a glance at Gabriel. "Looks like I've missed out on useful life lessons."

Gabriel grinned back at him and sighed dramatically. "Tell me, Damy, where have you been all my life?"

Joey rolled his eyes.

"Well, I come from a lot of places," Damian answered with a shrug, either unaware of Gabriel's flirting or choosing to ignore it. "My family moves a lot due to my father's job. We move to another city like every two or three years. That makes it hard to make friends. It never happened to me before that I met someone within the first week." He smiled fondly at Joey.

"Yeah, Joey always takes pity on stray cats and dogs," Gabriel said with a laugh. "He can't help it, taking care of people in need is like second nature to him. I bet he'd make a sweet nurse one day."

Joey just shrugged. "I'd make a better nurse than you."

"I bet you would." Gabriel smirked at his brother before turning his attention to Damian once more. "Tell me something, sweetheart. How come the first thing you do in a new city is go to the library to read Harry Potter? Why don't you just buy your own copy?"

Damian squirmed a little and hugged his guitar for support. "Well, it's just that my mother doesn't want me to read those books. I'm not allowed to buy them, so I secretly read them in the library."

"Naughty boy!" Gabriel exclaimed with a laugh. "Sneaking out to read forbidden books!"

"Why aren't you allowed to read Harry Potter?" Joey was clearly aghast. "I mean it's Harry Potter!"

"The more important question here is what else do you sneak out for that your parents can't know about?" Gabriel waggled his eyebrows at the boy, but Damian didn't provide an answer. He just grinned and plucked a few chords on his guitar.

"Don't you miss having friends?" Joey asked.

"Well, yeah, sometimes, but I have six brothers and sisters. We're a big family."

"I live in the gay community shelter," Gabriel told him. "We're one big family, too. There's always someone there to _lend a hand_."

"Geez, Gabriel!" Joey spoke up, knowing when his brother was being ambiguous.

"Kermit, why don't you go and get us some cokes?"

"I can go," Damian offered but Gabriel shook his head. "Let the frog hop off."

Joey pulled a face but obeyed. Gabriel was the one with the car keys after all. "Behave!" he warned his brother before he headed to the newspaper kiosk.

"You enjoy shocking people," Damian stated with a little smirk dancing on his lips when Joey was gone.

"I enjoy a lot of things," Gabriel replied in a flirty tone.

Damian's smirk grew wider. "That I heard."

"What did Joey tell you?" Gabriel scooted closer and leaned forward with a frown. "Because most of it is bullshit. Half of what I tell Joey is actually true. You know, I like story telling and my brother is a very eager listener."

Damian laughed at that and Gabriel again found that he really, really liked the sound of the boy's genuine laughter. Then Damian bit his lower lip with his teeth in an adorable way and Gabriel fantasized about kissing those lips.

"Have you ever kissed a boy?"

Damian was caught off guard. It took him a long moment to digest the question and he sat up straight with his big hazel eyes looking around the place cautiously.

"Why would I do that?" His voice was back to hushed and shy.

"Because you want to," Gabriel stated matter-of-factly.

"You can't always do something just because you want to," Damian shot back.

"But you _do_ want to kiss a boy?"

Damian brushed his dark curly hair out of his eyes and rested one elbow on the back of his guitar. "No, not just a boy," he said finally. "It has to be someone special. Or else it doesn't mean anything."

Gabriel arched his eyebrows but didn't reply anything to that. Had Damian really just admitted that he was into boys? Gabriel felt like jumping up and doing a happy dance.

Also the boy had let on that he was a hopeless romantic. Gabriel on the other hand had kissed a thousand boys. Until today he'd never met someone special before.

"Have you met him yet?" Gabriel asked with curiosity. "That special someone?"

"You're very nosey," Damian replied with the amused smile back playing along the corners of his mouth.

"I can't help it," Gabriel shrugged. "Curiosity kills the cat, they say, but so far it's what kept me alive."

Damian watched him for another long moment, gnawing at his lower lip. "What gave me away?" Damian eventually asked, meeting the other's eyes with a hint of insecurity.

"The way you looked at my brother," Gabriel replied with a grin. "Like a lovestruck schoolgirl."

"Oh!" Damian blushed adorably and hid his face in his arms.

"C'mon, no need to be ashamed. We all fall for a straight guy sometimes." Gabriel tilted his head. "You're aware that Joey's straight, right? He may not have a girlfriend and won't have one anytime soon but he's not playing for our team, sorry."

Damian flinched slightly at his words, casting a look over his shoulder as if afraid someone might listen in. "I know," he said after a moment, avoiding Gabriel's gaze. "I swear I wouldn't have... I'm not..." He stopped his stammering and drew an unsteady breath, raking one hand through his hair. "You won't tell anyone, right?"

"Uhm." Now this question caught Gabriel off guard. "Well, I sorta have told Joey that I think you might've a crush on him."

The look of panic in Damian's eyes made Gabriel's heart clench. "But don't worry, it's alright," he hurried to say. "Just look at me, I'm openly gay and Joey loves me to death! He doesn't have a problem with that!"

Damian took a couple of deep breaths and looked like he was on the verge of having a panic attack. Gabriel realized that he'd just outed this boy. Damian probably never told anyone before that he was gay and he probably didn't want the first friend in a new town to know about his little secret.

Gabriel could kick himself for his insensivity. "Look, I'm so sorry, Damian. I didn't mean to out you. I promise I will keep my big mouth shut from now on. Your secret is safe with me and Joey."

Damian got to his feet in a hurry and brushed sand off his pants. "I'm sorry but I have to go. Please tell Joey I'll see him tomorrow."

"Wait! You don't need to go! I'm really, really sorry!"

"It's alright," Damian said unconvincingly, gathering his cardigan and guitar. "I just really need to go now."

"Come on," Gabriel pleaded. "At least let me drive you home or wherever you want to."

"Thanks, but my sister picks me up. It was nice meeting you." Damian walked backwards away from him. "See you around, I guess."

"Yeah, see you." Gabriel watched him leave until the boy was out of sight. His heart was pounding wildly in his chest. It had never been so hard to watch someone walk away.

"Where's Damy?" Joey asked when he came back with three cans of ice-cold coke. "Did you scare him off? Geez, Gabe, I'm only gone for five minutes and you..."

"He had to leave. He said his sister picks him up."

"Yeah, right, what did you say to him?" Joey asked accusingly. "You flirted, didn't you? I told you not to flirt with him!"

"Joe," Gabriel looked up at his brother in dismay. "I did something really stupid. I kinda told him that I'd told you that I thought he had a crush on you."

"You did _what_?" Joey exclaimed and plopped down on the blanket. "Why on earth did you do that? I really really really wanna be friends with him!"

"I just wanted to point out to him that you're straight. I wanted to save him from having a crush on a straight guy," Gabriel said defensively. "You have no idea how frustrating it is if you can't have what you want."

"Actually I do know how frustrating it is to have a hopeless crush on someone," Joey countered. "But have you ever thought that having a crush doesn't necessarily mean you want _more_? I had a crush on this girl once and I knew she was out of reach for me but that didn't stop me from dreaming about her and thinking about what it would be like if she was my girlfriend. Sometimes the dream is enough, you know? I'd be scared shitless to be actually acting on it and making a fool of myself."

"See, that's why you don't have a girlfriend, Kermit. No risk, no fun."

"I'm just saying that maybe Damian doesn't need to be saved. Maybe all he wants is to dream a little."

"You're just flattered that finally someone has a crush on you!" Gabriel teased and grabbed a coke.

"Do you have any idea how hard it is to find someone you can gush over Harry Potter with?" Joey exclaimed in annoyance, opening his own can.

"No wonder he thought you were gay," Gabriel chuckled.

"Look, I don't have that many friends," Joey said with a shrug. "I really like Damian and I want to stay friends with him. So could you _please_ not embarrass him any further so he might consider to continue hanging out with me?"

"Alright, alright," Gabriel said with a sigh.

"Besides, stop making fun of my lack of experience," Joey said, now he was really pissed off. "You may have more experience in the sex department, but you've never even had a relationship before, Gabriel. You always talk so big about all the guys you've nailed and how you can have everyone you want. But did you ever have a real _boyfriend_?"

"I was with this guy for almost a month!" Gabriel said in his defense.

"What's his name?" Joey asked unimpressed.

"His name was Jack or Jake, something like that."

Joey rolled his eyes.

"We had candle light dinners and stuff."

"Oh, was that the guy you screwed on the table with the candles tipping over and almost burning up the whole apartment?" Joey shot back all smart-ass.

"Yeah, but it was very romantic nonetheless," Gabriel shrugged. "I mean before the table cloth caught fire."

Joey grinned wickedly at that. "I love you dearly, Gabriel, but I wouldn't come to you for advice on romance. I don't know. Maybe it's time for you to get serious with someone," Joey said, shrugging.

"Stop hitting on boys who are just around for summer time. Get real."

"Says Mr Awkward Around Girls," Gabriel said with a snort.

"At least I'm not just looking for a one night stand. I wanna fall in love."

Gabriel snorted again at that.

"One day it'll hit you, too," Joey predicted and for a moment they just sipped their cokes.

"You have his number right?" Gabriel asked. "You gotta call him and tell him that your big brother is a jerk and wants to apologize. I can take him out for dinner or stuff."

"You just wanna hit on him!" Joey said accusingly.

"Yeah, so what?" Gabriel defended himself. "He's really cute."

"He's my nerdy friend I met over a Harry Potter book, remember?"

"I didn't know your nerdy friends were so dang cute!"

"I bet he'd go with me to the next movie _dressed as the characters_!" Joey tried to scare Gabriel away.

"Let me come with you!" Gabriel said excitedly.

Joey rolled his eyes. "Anyways, he's seventeen and you're twenty."

"So what? It's not like I want to drag him into bed."

"You don't?" Joey arched his eyebrows skeptically.

"I just want to get to know him."

"Why?" Joey asked incredulously.

"Because," Gabriel shrugged, searching for the right words, "he's like, you know, pure sunshine in a dark place."

Joey scrunched up his face. "Who are you and what did you do to my brother?"

"Oh, you!" With a yell Gabriel jumped at his brother and wrestled him facedown into the sand. "I'm still same ol' me!"

"I hate you!" Joey sputtered, trying to fend his brother off his back.

* * *

_Empty lake, empty streets_

_The sun goes down alone_

_I'm drivin' by your house_

_Though I know you're not at home_

It was incredible dark in this room.

Pitch black.

It could drive you insane.

The worst thing was being alone in the dark, because it wasn't just the darkness, it was also the fact that you couldn't hear a sound from outside. All you could hear was your own breathing and the blood pumping in your ears.

In all of his breaks Gabriel would slip into the darkroom and sit down next to the boy, caressing his forehead and patting his arms, murmuring to him. "Everything's gonna be alright, Wildcat, you're not alone."

The boy was still heavily sedated and probably wouldn't even remember Gabriel's presence. Still Gabriel believed that it helped. At least a little bit.

He stayed every day until his beeper summoned him.

"Hey there, Wildcat, sit up." He gently cleaned the boy's face with a cold washcloth and tried to get him comfortable. "You'll be okay again," he told him in a hushed voice, not knowing if he was saying these words to soothe the boy or if he tried to make himself believe them.

The truth was that since Blaine Anderson came to the facility Gabriel felt like he was on a rollercoaster of emotions. The situation made him angry, it made him sad, it made him feel too much.

The worst part was that at times he lost himself in the past and in the illusion that he was sitting in the dark with Damian.

_I never will forget those nights_

_I wonder if it was a dream_

It all came back to him. Damian! Damian! He was haunting him, he was everywhere. It was a blessing and a curse. _He's not him! _Gabriel hated seeing this kid and being reminded of Damian.

He hated thinking that maybe this kid wouldn't make it and he had to watch it happen.

He hated that there were people in the world who pushed this boy to the edge – his father, this blonde woman. Where was the mother? Where was the rest of the family and friends? He was angry that nobody cared that this boy was here and what was happening to him.

And he felt like it was on him, it was his duty to make sure this boy stayed alive. After all this boy was a real suicide candidate. He'd tried to take his own life already once. It wouldn't take much to push him over the edge a second time.

_A little voice inside my head said, _

_"Don't look back. You can never look back."_

The mental facility was a huge place and a respectable treatment institution. There was a ward with victims of rape and misuse, a ward with patients who were suicidal, patients with mental illnesses due to other kinds of traumata.

It was only Dr. Nolan's department that stepped out of line.

Dr. Nolan promoted his work by announcing to do _anything_ to get his patients to a healthy state of mind. However, he walked a very thin line. Dr. Nolan prided himself in being specialized in _healing_ gay people. They didn't have a lot of cases at the time, mostly adult men and women who turned themselves in by their own choice or urged by their families.

Luckily they didn't have any minors. Ever since Damian's case went public and caused bad publicity for the facility there hadn't been any kids admitted. Parents were scared. But of course Dr. Nolan had turned the facts around and made the public believe that Damian had been a very hard case, impossible to heal – a statement his family had refused to acknowledge for some time, but then the case had been closed and Damian's family had moved out of town, leaving everything behind.

Leave it all behind and move on. This was something that Joey tried to convince Gabriel to do as well. But if you're feeling guilty – if you _are_ guilty – then it's hard to let go and impossible to forgive yourself.

_I thought I knew what love was_

_What did I know?_

_Those days are gone forever_

_I should just let them go but-_

After two weeks Dr. Nolan lessened the strict schedule on Blaine Anderson and Gabriel was able to take over. Finally he could switch the pills. Not everytime, of course, because the blood tests still had to show signs of the medication.

After two days Gabriel was glad to see that Wildcat began to come back to his senses. However, this was shown by nightmares and an unsteady sleep. Gabriel started coming to the facility in his freetime to be able to sit with the boy for hours, soothe him when the nightmares got too bad, comfort him when he started screaming in agony because some of the side-effects when the medication wore off were unbearable headaches.

Only Sienna the receptionist would know he was in the house, let alone in the darkroom with a patient. He'd made arrangements with her. She wouldn't officially check him in when he told her he just came back for something he'd forgotten in his personal locker. In exchange he'd buy stuff for her on the internet which her husband shouldn't know about, mostly novels and picture books, mostly porn.

One time Joey had found one of Sienna's straight sex novels in Gabriel's apartment. He hadn't said anything about it but he'd given his brother a very concerned look.

Another time after Gabriel had started dating girls for fun Joey had taken him aside and said with all earnesty, "I don't want you to turn straight, Gabriel. It's not right."

_I can see you-_

One day Wildcat started muttering to himself and Gabriel knew the boy was becoming conscious enough to realize there was someone with him in the room, so Gabriel stopped coming. He couldn't explain to the boy why he was there and he couldn't ask him not to tell anyone.

Instead Gabriel would sit in the nurse observation room and listen to Wildcat's room. The darkroom was wired like a baby monitor to alarm the nurses if the patients made a fuss.

One day Wildcat started singing and he sang the same cheesy pop song for over three hours. Listening to the boy sing brought a smile to Gabriel's face for the first time since Blaine Anderson had been admitted.

_You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby_

The day Wildcat was finally released from the darkroom Gabriel went to fetch him. When he led the boy out of the room, Wildcat swayed heavily. He tightened his grip on the boy's arm to make sure he wouldn't stumble.

He hated that he wanted to take the boy's hand instead of his arm.

He hated that he wanted to reach out and touch his dark curly hair.

He hated that his feelings were tumbling again just because this boy reminded him of the only person he'd ever loved. This wasn't right. But he couldn't stop his heart from beating too fast.

Gabriel told the boy that he'd punched him on his first day, because he wanted to steer the fighter in him again, he wanted to make him see that he could fight, that he shouldn't just give up, that he'd already succeeded once.

He called him _Wildcat_ when he spoke to him because he wanted him to be one. Fierce, determined, fighting for his life. He didn't want to see him shrink away, hide away and feel guilty for something that wasn't his fault.

Gabriel gazed at his watch and cursed under his breath. He knew that Jason and Eric were in the common baths with their patients right now. He didn't want them to see Wildcat, he didn't want to give them an opportunity to mock the boy or him. However, his collegues had different assignments in a couple of minutes. Gabriel sat down in an armchair across the elevators and decided to wait it out and give Wildcat a couple of more minutes to adjust himself, and his brother more time to write stupid texts to him.

_Stop it man!_ Gabriel was just texting back to his brother who would tell him about some cute male nurse in his hospital, trying to convince Gabriel to quit his job and move over to Ohio.

_Now I know what girlfriend trouble means. You're more obnoxious than a girl could ever be, Kermit! – G _

"This isn't Ohio," the boy suddenly said hoarsely, startling Gabriel. It was just when he remembered that the boy's family came from Ohio that he dismissed his fear that Blaine Anderson was a possible mind-reader.

"I wonder if it's snowing in Ohio," the boy murmured after a while and Gabriel checked the wheater report on his iPhone. He was spiteful at times and knowing that his little brother was stuck in snowy Ohio right now was amusing. "Let's see... yep. It's definitely snowing in Ohio. God, I hate snow. Good thing we're in sunny California, right?"

"I'd love to see snow now," Wildcat suddenly whispered, still loud enough for Gabriel to hear.

Gabriel wrote a quick text to Joey, mocking him about building a snowman while he was off to the beach later.

"Oh, Kurt..." The boy rested his forehead against the window and his breath made clouds on the glass.

Gabriel looked up. He knew the sound of that voice, that wistful longing. "Kurt who?"

Wildcat bit his lower lip. "I didn't say anything."

So there was someone special in Wildcat's life after all. Probably a boyfriend who's worrying himself sick over him.

_I can tell you my love for you will still be strong_

Gabriel remembered just too well how it had been standing outside these walls and not getting in. How he'd longed for a word from Damian, just to know he was alright. And he liked to think that Damian had been just as desperate, trying to reach him, if only to talk to him for a few words, hear his voice, take comfort of the knowledge that there was someone out there who still cared.

Still, Gabriel couldn't risk being caught. Now that Blaine got out of the darkroom Gabriel needed to fend off all of the really bad treatments and make sure that the boy's spirits weren't crushed too badly. If Gabriel was fired now there was no one who would take care of the wild cat.

He could only allow the boy to hear the voice of his boyfriend but he couldn't allow him to talk to him. He couldn't risk that word got around that the boy had been able to make a call. Gabriel would be the first target of accusing fingers pointing at him.

But he couldn't resist the pleading in Wildcat's eyes either.

_After the boys of summer have gone_

Whenever Gabriel went to see Blaine Anderson over the next few weeks he started talking to him, mocking him a bit for being a rich kid, trying to steer his thoughts off being gay and wanting to kill himself, trying to give him someone he could hate instead of hating himself. The boy needed to hate the facility, so he needed to hate Gabriel.

It was difficult with some patients. Some needed a shoulder to lean on, others needed an outlet for their frustration. Gabriel figured Wildcat would need someone he could turn his hatred to, but he wasn't sure. It had become way too easy to play the awful annoying guy.

Blaine Anderson turned out to be everything Gabriel had hoped for.

A fighter. Fierce but cautious. Full of hope and eagerness. A dreamer yet realistic.

It was easy being around him and yet so hard.

Gabriel found himself wishing to be able to stop time and stay sitting in Wildcat's room forever. He dreaded the day Wildcat would be discharged from the facility. Although he wished for this boy to be free he hated that he would never see him again.

Maybe it was for the best. He couldn't continue looking at the boy but seeing someone else.

_I can see you-_

_Your brown skin shinin' in the sun_

_You got your hair combed back and your sunglasses on, baby_

_And I can tell you my love for you will still be strong_

_After the boys of summer are gone_

* * *

**Songs in this chapter: **

**Don Henley – Boys of summer**

* * *

**GLCS** - Gay Lesbian Community Shelter (I invented this place. I don't know if such a place exists. More about it next chapter.)

**Thank you for reading! :)**


	3. Bambi

**Bambi **

"How about a little bit faster?" Gabriel murmured impatiently and tapped his fingers along his jeans restlessly.

"How about a little bit more patience?" Hannah teased him.

He shot her a glare but her mocking grin was so contagious that a smile tucked up his own lips.

"Why on earth does every single five-year-old on the beach want to have ice cream the second we're about to get some?" He replied with a sigh and pointed to the line in front of them which accurately consisted of mostly little excited children at the hands of their parents or older siblings.

"You'll survive five minutes without _him_, won't you?" Hannah teased him some more with one hand holding her elbow and the other twirling a long curl of her red hair.

"Please tell me again why exactly I gotta be nice to you?" Gabriel arched his eyebrows at her.

"Because I'm your brother's best friend and if he had to choose between the two of us he'd choose me over you?" Hannah answered smugly.

"I doubt it," Gabriel stuck his tongue out at her. "But I'm not gonna crush your precious illusions."

Hannah shook her head with a grin.

Finally they got to the counter and ordered ice cream for their friends and themselves. Hannah's eyes got all big when Gabriel ordered an extra huge cup of chocolate ice cream. "With whipped cream, please! Lots of whipped cream!"

"Don't forget the cherry on top," Hannah quipped in and Gabriel's eyes lit up. "Oh yeah, I want that! A cherry on top!"

"The poor boy's not gonna fall for you just because you buy him a ridiculous big pot of ice cream!"

"Oh, ye of little faith," Gabriel winked at her and then nudged her with his hip. "Maybe you should get Joey some whipped cream, too."

"What for?"

"Oh Hannah, if I have to paint it out for you..." he let his voice trail off.

"Joey and me aren't like _that_," Hannah protested at once.

"Course not," Gabriel agreed. "And if you don't speak up you'll never be."

Hannah scrunched up her face. "What do you mean?"

"I was just wondering when you're finally gonna tell my brother that you're in love with him," Gabriel stopped to look her in the eyes.

"I'm not!" Hannah protested again, this time a little too strongly. "Why would you think that?"

"Oh I don't know, perhaps because you told me?" Gabriel smirked at her. "Remember? Thanksgiving a couple of years back."

"I was thirteen!" Hannah slapped his arm. "I was also in love with Nick Carter back then!"

"Who wasn't? Such a cutiepie."

Hannah grinned at him as they walked next to each other along the pavement.

"Joey and I are just friends," she emphasized once more. "Besides, I like my men to know what they want. Joey changes his mind every five minutes. I bet when we get back he's decided he'd rather have strawberry than the vanilla I got him."

Gabriel just laughed at that. He'd never admit it aloud but he really enjoyed hanging out with Hannah. They were very comfortable around each other because they knew each other for a lifetime and they both just spoke their minds freely in the company of one another. She was like a sister to him which made her the only family Gabriel had left next to Joey.

"What about yourself?" she asked challengingly. "When are you gonna tell Damy that you're in love with him?"

Gabriel didn't answer, instead he let out a long sigh. This time Hannah stopped to stare at him.

"Oh, my God! You didn't deny it!" she exclaimed. "You _are_ in love with him! That I'd live to see the day Gabriel O'Brien falls in love!"

Gabriel arched his brows at her. "You're done?"

She grinned broadly. "You really, _really_ like him, don't you?"

"It's hard not to," he shrugged. "He's like no one I've ever met before."

"A virgin?" Hannah teased with a wink.

Gabriel gave her a pointed look. "Actually, I know a lot of virgins," he teased back and nudged her with his elbow. "And girl, if you don't finally get the moves on Joey will _never_ realize that he loves you back because right now he's stuck believing that no girl would ever want him even if a bunch of groupies with heart-shaped eyes were waiting for him just around the corner. If you ask for my advice it would help if you showed a bit of cleavage every now and then. Not that you have much to show off."

"My breasts are just fine," Hannah huffed and glanced down her tee. "And I didn't ask for your advice, thank you very much."

They approached the low brick wall along the beach promenade and Joey and Damian came into view. The wind carried the boys laughter to them and Gabriel quickened his pace.

"Wait up!" Hannah tried to keep up with him because she was way shorter than him. "Alright, now I'm gonna say something that I'd never thought I'd say about you," Hannah said a little bit out of breath and waited until Gabriel turned to her. "You're really cute, G."

"I beg your pardon!" Gabriel replied and pulled a face.

"You're jealous that Joey makes him laugh and I find it supercute. Who would've thought that you'd actually fall for someone?"

"I'm not jealous," Gabriel denied.

"Uhu," Hannah grinned. "By the way I saw Cameron at a grocery store the other day."

"Really?" Gabriel replied, sounding uninterested .

"He was buying a superbox of condoms."

"Yeah, that sounds like him."

"He said he missed you."

"Cameron's a dick."

"He _has_ a dick, that's his problem. He wants to use it."

"Well, I can't help him with that anymore."

"You really changed your ways for Damy, didn't you?" Hannah asked with a knowing smile.

Gabriel didn't say anything to that because they reached their destination.

"Hey Bambi, there you go!" Gabriel held out the extra large ice cream to Damian.

"Ohhh, you shouldn't have!" Damian purred and extended his hands towards the candy like an adorable five-year-old, his dark curls falling into his eyes.

"Not again!" Joey exclaimed when he saw the big cup with the cream topping and put his face in his hand. "Gabe, you're being ridiculous!"

"Come on, the boy needs sugar to stay that sweet," Gabriel explained and sat down next to Damian.

"That's so cheesy!" Hannah shook her head while Joey imitated the need to gag.

"It's really not necessary," Damian said with the spoon already between his lips.

"Is there a reason that you're fattening him up?" Joey asked laughing.

"I like my boyfriend with a little extra!" Gabriel poked a finger into Damian's side.

Damian wriggled away, smiling. "I'm not your boyfriend."

"Oh, believe me, you are. You can ask Joey if you don't believe me," Gabriel said joking.

"Joey, Gabby said I was his boyfriend." Damian arched his eyebrows at his friend, playing along.

"Yeah, didn't you know?" Joey replied with a broad grin. "Gabriel's been absolutely celibate since he met you. Looks like he's so into you that he forgets about his usual bedmates."

"Haha, good to know. Any word of advice? Anything I should watch out for?" Damian asked with a spark in his eyes and a grin on his face that had no resemblance with an innocent teenage boy anymore.

"Yeah, make sure never to be alone in a room with him. Fatal, that!" Joey said, trying to keep a serious face while digging into his ice cream.

"Why? What happens?"

"You know, he tends to set table cloths on fire, stuff like that," Joey replied with a casual shrug and Damian giggled hard at that.

The way Damian laughed always put a smile on Gabriel's face. They were good at this game, playing along the lines of what if things were serious? It was always just teasing, just fooling around.

Except it was not.

If Gabriel was honest with himself he had to admit that he wanted to get serious with Damian. Not sexually but more on an emotional level. He wanted Damian to be his boyfriend for real and not just joking about it. He wanted to kiss him and hold his hand and by the time he got older and was ready for it, yeah, the sexual aspect would come into play as well. But not yet. Right now Gabriel was too chicken to even admit his growing feelings for this boy.

"Who do you think I am? I'm not buying ice cream for just anyone," Gabriel told Damian, mock-offended.

"You just wanna watch him eat it!" Joey accused his brother. "Because watching someone lick ice cream off their spoon is totally hot!"

"Now, who's the one with the dirty mind?" Gabriel squinted his eyes at his brother.

"I'm not! I just know how _you_ tick!"

"Yeah, stop staring at his mouth like you wanna lick the ice cream right from his lips," Hannah said, slapping Gabriel's arm playfully. "That's disgusting!"

"Whatever his reasons, I'm getting free ice cream out of it," Damian said laughing and shovelled another spoon of chocolate cream into his mouth.

So far the small group had spent almost every day of the past few weeks at the beach together. Summer break was almost over and school would start soon for Joey, Damian and Hannah. Gabriel couldn't imagine what life would be like without the three of them around anymore, especially Damian. They had become friends so easily and it tore Gabriel apart that he wished to be more than friends so badly.

They all loved Damian right from the start. Hannah would point out every day how adorable and cute he was. Joey would thank the Lord for the fact that Damian was such a book nerd like himself. And Gabriel would silently enjoy the moments when Damian was standing next to him, leaning against him all cuddly and comfortable and their hands would brush, or Damian would take his hand and pretend he wanted to read his lifelines when really they just needed to touch each other.

"I think he loves the attention," Joey had told Gabriel once. "In his family he always comes last or even gets forgotten. Now he has three new friends fussing over him."

"Does he talk about me when I'm not around?" Gabriel popped this question all innocently but Joey's response was a big grin. At times Gabriel was very predictable. As confident as he was on the outside he still needed confirmation about certain things. Being the subject of conversation between his younger brother and his new friend was such a thing.

"Actually he does," Joey replied. "He keeps on wondering if you know what a hairdresser is."

Gabriel swatted his brother's arm. "You're making that up. I'm sure he loves my hair! Does he?"

"As far as I can tell he loves everything about you but that's just because he doesn't know you that well yet." Joey said, clearly enjoying the bickering with his brother.

Sometimes Gabriel stopped to think about how easy it was to be friends with Damian. They'd only met a couple of weeks ago but it felt like they'd known each other for a lifetime. At the same time the boy was so different from everyone Gabriel knew. It was easy to stirr laughter from him. They were so comfortable around each other, especially when Joey and Hannah were around. But as much as he wanted to date Damian it felt too soon and he didn't want things to become awkward. Probably this was the same reason Hannah didn't tell Joey that she was in love with him. Joey of course was just blind to the fact.

For now Gabriel was testing the waters with Damian carefully. He almost didn't recognize himself anymore as he'd never been this gentle and respectful and attentive towards anyone before. He just didn't want to scare Damian away or screw his chances with him before he even got a chance in the first place.

But the truth was that Gabriel had started living for the few hours of the day they would spend at the beach or downtown together. His day wasn't complete before he hadn't seen Damian smile at least once.

Some days he gave the boy surfing lessons and they would stand in the water close together and Gabriel couldn't help but touch him more than necessary and he felt like Damian was having more difficulties staying on the surfboard than he should have, causing him to fall into Gabriel's helping arms more often than the usual learner, calling "Sorry, Gabby, I'll never learn how to surf! Can you help me up again?"

It was the little moments like when they were childishly splashing in the water and he would catch Damian and hold him tight playfully. Or when they were sitting around a little camp fire with Joey and Hannah down by the rocky part of the beach and Damian would sit next to him and Gabriel would anticipate the moment when Damian would put his guitar aside and close the little bit of space left between them and lean his arm against Gabriel's and sometimes even rest his head against Gabriel's shoulder. At those moments Gabriel wished he could just kiss him, hold him and never let him go. Was this what being in love felt like? It must be.

He couldn't imagine what life had been like before he met Damian. It was impossible to think about the person he'd been back then, when love had just been a strange word and closeness was equal to sex. He'd never felt more fullfilled than in the wonderful moments when Damian's smile lit up the whole world.

Some days they rented bicycles and rode them for hours. Gabriel showed Damian all his favorite spots and they fed little treats to the cockatiel at the rent a bike shop. Every day Gabriel learned more about his new friend. Like the fact that Damian was easily amused but also easily upset, too.

Damian wasn't just the happy sonnyboy he seemed on the first look. On more than a few occasions Gabriel had seen him switch into a weepy mood for no apparent reason. He would become melancholic and even tearful at seeing a limping dog or a crying infant. Clearly he was feeling too much compassion and empathy for strangers and animals than Gabriel had ever seen a person have.

One day they had rode their bikes past a dead cat lying at the curb, apparently it had gotten hit by a car. They rode on but the next time Gabriel turned to look at his friend Damian was stealthily wiping tears from his cheeks.

"Are you crying?" Gabriel asked baffled.

"I'm sorry," Damian replied and stopped to get a tissue out of his backpack.

Gabriel turned back and stopped next to him to hold his bike while Damian blew his nose. "Is this about the dead cat?"

"It's just that I can't stop thinking about how somebody might've loved that cat and misses him now," Damian sobbed.

"Don't worry about it. Looked like a stray cat to me," Gabriel tried to calm his friend down but his words had the opposite effect on Damian.

"Don't you think that even a stray cat could be loved and missed by someone?" Damian asked him incredulously.

"Sure," Gabriel backpedalled immediately. "But why are you so affected by another person's loss? It wasn't your cat."

Damian looked like he wanted to reason with him but then he sighed heartily and bit down on his lips. "I'm sorry I'm such a crybaby."

"Don't be sorry, it's okay. Just don't work yourself up over something like this too much."

"Yeah, my mom always says I need to stop crying over nothing."

"I didn't say it was nothing," Gabriel said. "You care too much because you've got a big heart."

"You think so?" Damian looked up at him through teary lashes.

Gabriel nodded and said with a cocky grin, "You know what people say about boys with big hearts? Like the size of it equals other body parts?"

Damian narrowed his eyes, clearly puzzled. "Isn't this about big noses? Or was it big hands? I'm sure you can't measure the size of one's heart to their other more intimate body parts."

"In your case I bet you can," Gabriel replied with a wink.

Damian shook his head and laughed. "Are you checking me out?"

"Come on, you know I'm gay. How could I not check you out? But don't worry, you're flawless, Damy."

"I'm not," Damian said, still shaking his head, a warm smile spreading on his face. "I'm far from being flawless."

"But close enough," Gabriel said and reached out to put his hand over Damian's on his handle.

Damian stuffed his tissues away and pushed his foot into the pedal. "We should ride on before it gets dark."

* * *

So far it was the best summer in Gabriel's life and he dreaded the beginning of school when Joey and Damian would be loaded with homework assignments and studying for tests and only able to spare an hour in the evening if at all.

"I'm gonna miss you when you're busy with school, Bambi," Gabriel said with a sigh one night when they were sitting in his yellow Corvette cabrio, waiting for Hannah and Joey to fetch their Chinese take away.

"You never told me why you're calling me Bambi," Damian said and raised an eyebrow inquiringly.

"Because that's what you are to me. Still a young innocent thing trying to stand on its own feet and not even aware of its own cuteness."

Damian smiled at that. "What if I'm not that innocent as you think I am?"

Gabriel grinned. "You are, sweetie. No fooling me. You said yourself you haven't even kissed a boy."

"Not in real life, no," Damian admitted. "But in my mind I have kissed a lot already."

"Dirty fantasies are part of growing up, sugar."

Damian drew a breath as if to work up courage before saying, "What if I told you that I've kissed _you_ a million times already?"

Gabriel turned to him, his eyes wide with utter surprise. "Well, I'd be nervous to actually kiss you because how on earth can I live up to your fantasies?"

His answer made Damian smile. "Then we'll never find out if you do."

"Huh," Gabriel let out a puff of air. "That's too bad."

"Yeah," Damian said, looking down at his hands.

"Hands up who's hungry!" Hannah yelled as she got into the car with Joey, holding up hot and spicy smelling bags.

"I'm starving! Can we eat in the car?" Joey asked as he dropped into the backseat.

"No way, Kermit! You know the rules! No eating in my baby!" Gabriel replied strictly, getting his car off the parking spot in front of the restaurant and towards the nearest playground where they could sit on swings or benches to eat their prey.

* * *

Over the past few weeks Gabriel learned a lot about Damian's life. The boy was the youngest of seven kids: Martin, Maria, Adam, Samuel, Daniel and Amanda.

His brother Samuel had taught him how to play the guitar and they used to give little concerts at church events together. However, Damian was closest to his sister Amanda who was second youngest and they called themselves Amy and Damy. Also Amanda, Daniel and Damian were the only ones of the Fernando kids who still travelled with their parents when they had to move to another town due to their father's job. Their older siblings Martin, Maria, Adam and Samuel already had working careers or their own families in different towns in California and Oregon.

Whenever Damian talked about his brothers and sisters Gabriel became utterly confused with all the names but he tried to keep up with every piece of new information. As much as Gabriel wanted to know everything about Damian the boy bombarded him with questions, too.

"I'm leaving with Hannah," Joey said and waved them goodbye one Friday night they had spend at the beach again. "See you tomorrow."

"Say hi to Mom and Dad," Gabriel called after his brother.

Joey huffed. "Yeah, right."

Damian remained on his spot on the small wall, gazing over the ocean and the sunset, and Gabriel stayed with him, waiting for Damian's sister Amy to pick him up who was running late again.

"Your parents don't know that Joey and you see each other, right?" Damian asked, now looking straight at Gabriel with big attentive eyes.

Gabriel let out a snort. "They'd throw a fit if they knew."

"That's really sad," Damian muttered.

"Yeah, well. That's my life," Gabriel shrugged.

"What's living in the shelter like?" Damian asked quietly.

Gabriel hesitated. He looked at the boy and knew he couldn't lie to him.

"It's... difficult," he answered honestly. "You know, it's a place that takes in gay kids from the age of fourteen until twenty-one who were abandoned by their parents. There are social workers who take care of everyone and when you're under eighteen you have to check in daily. They watch over your school activities, mainly make sure you still go to school and when you graduate they help you get a job. Some kids come in and leave again soon. Some stay for a while. I've been there for four years now."

"Wow," Damian said, leaning his cheek against his arm, watching Gabriel intently. "Don't you ever get homesick?"

Gabriel shrugged. "I don't have a home anymore and why should I want to go back to people that hate me?"

"Do you really think your parents hate you?"

"Well, the day I told my father that I was gay he told me he never wanted to see me again. I knew he would throw me out. It wasn't really a surprise for me and I was prepared. I knew about the shelter before I came out to my parents so when my dad told me to leave I went straight to the GLCS. It was a shock for Joey, though. He was heartbroken to see me leave but I just couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore, I felt like I was living a lie. They all knew, my parents, my brother, or at least they suspected. But the day I dared to say it out loud…"

Gabriel let out a sigh and gave a wistful smile to his friend. "I felt free. I was finally free. I stayed in the shelter, I finished high school and made an apprenticeship in a hospital to become a nurse. The last few years have been harder than I like to admit and every day I act like I'm enjoying my life but really most of the time I'm miserable. I miss my brother and my mom. I miss having a home. But I would never go back. I would never trade my freedom to go back living a lie."

Damian was watching him with big sympathetic eyes. "Weren't your parents trying to get you to come back home? They must have asked for you!"

"Well, when you first arrive at the GLCS the social workers contact your parents and try to work things out. In some cases the parents realize that they've overreacted and take their kids back. In the case of abuse the parents are also charged and in some very hard cases the social workers think it's best for the kid to stay in the shelter but they make the parents pay a monthly fee for the costs. I never told Joey about all of this. If he knew that some social woman had tried to mend things and my parents stubbornly refused to take me back he'd be heartbroken."

"I won't tell him," Damian promised, crossing his heart in all earnesty and Gabriel smiled at the boy's sincerity to keep a secret.

"Whenever I talk to Joey about my life in the shelter I make it all sound like a big adventure," Gabriel elaborated, "like it was the best thing ever happened to me. But the truth is that most kids in the shelter are miserable and I can relate to them. We have this little get together every night in the common room. You don't have to go but soon you feel so all alone that you just go for the sake of company. It's nice to share stories with everyone or just listen to somebody's troubles and know everybody in the room's already been there."

"Are there like, these overfilled dorm rooms with like, twenty beds and you can't sleep because everybody's snoring?"

Gabriel laughed at that. "No, no, everyone has their own room. It's like the dormitory of a boarding school, I guess. When I first came there I felt awfully alone. There was this nice guy and I let him into my room every night again and again. It's not allowed to have sexual interactions but it's hardly controlled. So I lost my virginity to someone I didn't even really know. Some kids do that, you know, hook up, have sexual relations. I guess most of them are just rebellious, like, being gay was what made them get there so why not live on it? I know I did. If my gayness was the reason I got stuck in that place then, hell, let me live out my gayness. When I turned eighteen I couldn't even count anymore whom I all had had sex with already. Safe sex, that is," he added quickly. "Always use a condom! God, you gotta think I was a slut."

"I'm not judging you, if you think that," Damian said and let the back of his hand stroke down Gabriel's arm. "I think you're pretty brave. Especially keeping up your smile for Joey. You're his hero. He loves you so much. I'm not even that close to my brothers or sisters."

"I gotta admit I miss Joey like crazy," Gabriel said. "I try to still be the big brother for him, try to make things easier for him by acting as if everything was just the way I wanted it to be and that I was happy. But I can't really fool him. He knows me too well and sometimes he sees right through me. Sometimes I tell him about the bad stuff, too, but most of the time I spare him the details."

Damian nodded as if he understood just too well.

"When was the last time you spoke to your parents?"

"The last time I spoke to my dad was the day he told me to move my faggy ass out of his house four years ago. I spoke to my Mom two years ago on my grandma's funeral. I wanted to hug her to tell her how sorry I was about grandma's loss but she wouldn't hug me in case dad saw us."

Damian shook his head sadly. "I can't understand how your mom and dad could do this to you. How can parents abandon their child like this?"

"I've never really had a great relationship with them in the first place," Gabriel confessed with a shrug. "Joey has always been their darling. Not that I was jealous of him, it's just the way it was."

"I just can't imagine life without my family. Aren't you sad about it? You must be so, so sad!" Damian couldn't help but start crying.

Gabriel watched in horror. Never before had someone cried for him, except for Joey who had cried for weeks after he'd been thrown out. He offered a Kleenex to Damian and the boy accepted it with a tearful 'thanks'.

"I can't imagine my parents reacting that way, so cold and heartless..."

"Because your parents won't," Gabriel assured him. "You've got really great parents, they're good people and they love you. They wouldn't throw you out if you told them about you."

"Still, I'm scared," Damian sobbed.

Gabriel put an arm around his shoulder and drew him near. "Don't be scared, Bambi. You'll see, everything's just gonna turn out fine for you. Stop crying, darling."

"I know I'm such a crybaby," Damian said with a sigh and wiped his hand beneath his eyes, trying to collect himself.

"I just don't want you to cry on my behalf." Gabriel tried to soothe him, he rubbed his back and gently stroked his face. Damian leaned into Gabriel's hand and closed his eyes, and suddenly he was so close, his lips right in front of Gabriel and he couldn't help but lean in and softly kiss the boy's lips.

When he drew back again Damian's eyes fluttered open and his hand flew up to his lips.

Gabriel wished he could read the boy's mind. "I'm sorry," he murmured as Damian continued to look at him wide-eyed and shocked.

Damian hiccuped.

Gabriel laughed. "I kiss you and you get a hiccup?"

"Sorry." Another hiccup.

"Maybe it goes away if I kiss you again?" Gabriel grinned.

Damian smiled back at him. "I don't know. It's worth a shot I guess."

"Really?" Gabriel studied the boy's hazel eyes. "You want me to kiss you again?"

Damian hiccuped and nodded with tears glistening in his thick eyelashes.

Gabriel framed Damian's face with his hand, gently caressing his cheek and letting his thumb run along the curve of the boy's lips.

He felt Damian's pulse speed up and the way his breathing slowed down, anticipating Gabriel's next move. So he leaned in and kissed him again, softly capturing his mouth with his own.

Damian surrendered instantly. He parted his lips to get a taste of him and his hands grabbed Gabriel's arms to keep him in place as he kissed him back.

* * *

"Hey, you know the rules!" Gabriel called over to him. "No one touches my bed!"

"Right," Joey pulled his travel bag off the mattress and let it drop on the floor. "How could I forget?" He made sure his brother saw the rolling of his eyes as he added, "I just hope you have at least changed the sheets once in the past three years."

Gabriel didn't reply to that but kept himself busy looking for the Chinese takeaway menu. His fridge was empty. The least he could do was offering to order something to eat.

From the corner of his eyes he watched as his younger brother inspected his apartment critically. Joey's eyes lingered on the row of Harry Potter books on the shelf above the bed. Then he turned to look at the empty spot next to the dresser.

"Where's his guitar?" Joey asked, confused and slightly alarmed.

"I gave it away," Gabriel replied casually and kept his eyes on the mess of papers spread in front of him on the couch.

"YOU DID WHAT?" Joey shouted and looked at him in utter disbelief. "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

Gabriel didn't even look up as he replied as calmly as possible. "You said yourself that I should finally let go."

"Yeah, but I didn't mean that you should GIVE HIS STUFF AWAY!" Joey barked at him.

"I don't even play the guitar," Gabriel said, sounding defensive now. "It was just sitting in the corner collecting dust. Now it's finally getting used again."

"Whom did you give it to?" Joey demanded and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

Gabriel finally looked up at him. "That boy from the facility. Wildcat."

"That boy that looks like him?" Joey shook his head slowly. "I'm sorry but you're pathetic, Gabriel."

"At least he can play the goddamn guitar!" Gabriel growled.

"I better take Damy's other stuff before you throw it all away, too!" Joey jumped on the bed and took the Harry Potter books off the shelf one by one.

"Don't you dare touching those books!" Gabriel grabbed his brother and yanked him off the bed. Two books fell on the floor, another one on the mattress. Gabriel shoved his brother out of the way and collected the books to put them back on the shelf.

"Has it ever crossed your mind that you're not the only one who misses him?" Joey asked, on the verge of crying. "He was my friend, too!"

Gabriel turned away, not able to deal with his brother's tears.

Joey slumped down on the floor in front of the bed, starting to sob uncontrollably.

"What do you want?" Gabriel asked, holding up several menus. "Chinese or Thai? There's also a new Indian place which is really good."

Joey wiped his eyes with the palm of his hands and looked up at him. "I'm thinking about moving back to L. A."

"What? Why?" Gabriel dropped down in front of his brother, folding his legs Indian style. "I thought you loved it in Ohio with Hannah and all. You said working in her aunt's hospital was a great career opportunity."

Joey was silent for a moment. "I just can't stand thinking that you're all alone here, G."

"I'm fine," Gabriel protested weakly. "Don't come back for me."

Before Joey could say any more Gabriel got his phone out and dialed the number of the restaurant. "Chinese it is. You have five seconds to choose what you want." He pushed the menu at his brother while putting the phone to his ear, waiting for an answer.


	4. Faith

**Faith**

"YOU GOT YOURSELF A _WHAT_?"

Joey called out in disbelief, making Gabriel hold the phone away at arm's length.

"I got myself my own place," Gabriel repeated casually, deliberately ignoring the fact that his brother Joey almost peed himself at hearing this news.

"I'm sorry, could you repeat that one more time?" Joey asked and Gabriel could practically hear the happy grin spreading on his little brother's face.

"You heard me alright," Gabriel replied, grinning like an idiot himself. "I have my own place now. It's just a small apartment but it's enough for me."

"Wow! So you've really left the GLCS?" Joey asked incrediously.

"Positive."

"Wow! I'm happy for you but this is so unexpected. Why did you leave the shelter? You've lived there since you were sixteen and you love that place!"

"Yeah, but now I'm twenty and I have a job, I earn my own money. It's about time I finally left. It's not like I still needed the shelter to take care of me. There're a lot of other boys who are in need of a place to stay. I'm a grown up now, you know."

"Hah!" Joey chuckled at that. "Well, don't get me wrong. I'm happy that you decided to get your own place and be independend for a change. It's just that I remember you telling me that you'd never give up your room there because it was the best place to hook up and have fast sex with whoever's in the mood!"

"Perhaps I'm not in the mood for fast sex anymore," Gabriel growled. "And what would you know, Kermit?"

"Excuse me Mr I'm telling my little bro all details about how hot gay sex is although he's straight. I know _everything_ about your scandalous lifestyle, G!"

"Look," Gabriel started, not sure how to phrase it. "I can't really invite Damian into my room in the shelter."

"Ah, that's what it's all about. Of course. Damian." Joey's face relaxed into a wide grin. "Why can't you invite him over to the shelter?"

Gabriel arched his eyebrows although Joey couldn't see it. "Because!"

"Let me guess. You've slept with like a zillion guys in that bed and it probably reeks of sex in your room there."

"It's not about sex," Gabriel sighed. "I just don't want to scare Damian."

"Oh, I understand! The competition! You don't want Damian to meet other gay guys. _Hot_ gay guys!"

"Damy's not like that," Gabriel said. "I mean he blushes when I call him cute. He'd be intimidated if there was a bunch of gays checking him out. I wanna take things slow with him."

"You have to. He's still a minor."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "You don't have to remind me all the time. I'm aware! And I wouldn't ever take advantage of him. I mean I'm his first boyfriend ever! He's like this angel that came from heaven to call me out on all my sins and make me a better person."

"_WHAT_? Who am I talking to?" Joey called out and made Gabriel hold his phone away from his ear once more. "Gabriel, is that still you?"

Gabriel grinned and stretched out on his brand new bed in his brand new apartment. "He's special to me, that's all I'm saying. He's way too good for me."

"You're right, he deserves a boyfriend who at least knows how to pull a comb through his hair," Joey joked. "But seriously, I'm impressed that you're getting your own place just for him. Sounds like you're serious."

"I am," Gabriel confirmed, letting a hand run over the soft fabric of the bedding. "Do you think he'd come over to my place if I invited him?"

* * *

"Do you believe in God?"

The question took him by surprise. Gabriel almost missed the next turn because he was stunned by the sudden change of topic. He had to hit the brakes and make a sharp turn. When he was on the right lane again Gabriel turned to look at Damian who sure as hell was serious about his question.

"Well, I'm not a very religious guy," he answered with a one-sided shrug. "I don't go to church or stuff."

"Oh, that's okay," Damian hurried to say, always eager to please and not upset people. "My family goes to mass every Sunday. It's nice, you know."

Gabriel arched his eyebrows in disbelief. Going to mass every Sunday morning wasn't his kind of fun but it explained why Damian would never meet him on Sundays and claim it was a sacred family day for the Fernando bunch.

"It's just that sometimes I wonder, you know?"

"Wonder what?" Gabriel turned to look at the boy once more. There was an uncertainity on the boy's face that went along with the sadness that sometimes overcame him. Gabriel didn't like that look on Damian's face.

"You know, stuff." Damian shrugged. "I wonder if there's really an entity out there, something, _someone_ watching over us. And if there is, why does he or she let all the bad things happen? Perhaps it's a test they put us through to see how much we can endure. But sometimes I think it's more like a cruel game, you know, like when a cat plays with a mouse before it kills it. They say God created all his children and loves them equally, but then why does he make some of them sick or... _different_?"

"Different?" Gabriel repeated inquiringly. "You mean like gay?"

"Yeah," Damian nodded all serious. "I get it, you know, the whole part about two men not meant to be together because they can't have children and only the relationship between a man and a woman is _reproductive_. But then again God made everyone one of us the way we are. Why would he make some of us gay if he didn't mean to? There must be a reason, don't you think? Some greater masterplan, something we just can't grasp yet. Or else it's just a mistake. But does God make mistakes?"

"Don't think too much about stuff like that, Damy," Gabriel replied with a shrug. "Nobody knows the answers to these kind of questions. You just have to do what feels right to you. I mean, love is love. And love is a good thing. If two people are in love nothing bad can come out of it, right?"

"I guess." Damian murmured and blushed because Gabriel was talking about love.

"Just have a little faith," Gabriel said, pushing his shades up to rest on his head while he leaned over to get a CD out of the glove compartment. "I think I have the perfect song for you."

Gabriel put the CD in and turned the volume up. The first song started with church music, a pipe organ playing a beautiful tune, slowly raising in intensity.

"What's this?" Damian frowned and looked at him in disbelief. "Are you mocking me?"

But then the church music was replaced by a firm strum of guitar and an enthusiastic male voice singing, _"Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body, I know not everybody has got a body like you..."_

Damian dropped his head and broke into a grin. "Subtle, aren't you?"

"Do you like George Michael?"

"Are you kidding me?" Damian was laughing that light and sunshiny laughter of his. "I _love_ George Michael. I just didn't get it was him right away."

Gabriel grinned broadly. The boy had a sense of humor and a very good taste in music.

"You know, Gabby, you're very..." Damian let his voice trail off in consideration.

"Sassy? Incredible? Hot?" Gabriel tried to help him out.

"I was meaning to say _interesting_."

"Interesting?" Gabriel protested loudly. "Never say _interesting_ to describe a guy. That's plain rude."

Damian laughed. "Alright, then I say you're very _sassy_ instead. Yeah, I think sassy nails it." And he started to sing along and drum the melody with his fingers on his knees.

_Before this river becomes an ocean_

_Before you throw my heart back on the floor_

_I reconsider my foolish notion_

_I need someone to hold me while I wait for something more_

_I gotta have faith_

_Yeah, I gotta have faith_

* * *

They had just sort of fallen into a relationship without actually realizing it or talking about it. Everything came so naturally. Being around each other felt just right and comforting. They even called each other their respective better halfs jokingly.

Gabriel couldn't fall asleep before he hadn't texted Damian goodnight and received a text back. He didn't know if it was healthy to fall for someone so hard but he simply couldn't help it. He tried to give Damian some space and not be a clingy boyfriend but he guessed it was too obviously how much he enjoyed every second they spend together.

Also, Gabriel felt like they were on equal ground right from the start. Despite all of his sexual encounters Gabriel had never been in an actual relationship before. Not that they were officially dating. But Damian's hand would slip into Gabriel's more often and they would kiss whenever and wherever they managed to be alone, never in public.

Of course, the only people who knew that they were sort of a couple were Joey and Hannah. Damian hadn't come out at school or at home yet and didn't want to. It was alright with Gabriel although he would have liked to meet Damian's family one day.

Soon Gabriel was bothered by the fact that they didn't have a place to go to. He didn't want to invite Damian to the youth shelter and they couldn't go to Damian's parents' house because his family didn't really know that the boy was meeting up with a twenty year old gay man. Damian would only tell them that he was hanging out or studying with his new friends and schoolmates Joey and Hannah and whoever would come along. Gabriel had never even met a family member of the Fernando clan. So far he just caught glimpses of the boy's sister Amanda or his brother Daniel when they would come and pick Damian up if he'd missed the bus or didn't have enough change left of his lunch money to pay for a bus ride.

It wasn't that Gabriel wanted to have some sort of love shack to seduce him into having sex with him. He just wanted to have some place where they could talk freely and also kiss without being interrupted by a waitress to fill up their coffee cups or a sales clerk who came checking the changing rooms or some jogger down at the beach.

"Here we are!" Gabriel slowed the car down and looked for a parking spot in front of a big apartment building.

"Where are we?" Damian asked, looking around curiously.

"This is where people live who don't have their own big mansion," Gabriel said mockingly, knowing that Damian's family was of the rich kind and lived in a fancy house.

Damian stuck out his tongue at him and continued to study the building attentively. "Who lives here?"

"Me," Gabriel replied with an awkward smile.

"You?" Damian turned to look at him with wide eyes.

"Yeah, I finally got my own place. I moved in only last week."

"Wow, that's so cool!" Damian exclaimed.

"You want to see my apartment?"

"Yes!" Damian jumped out of the car excitedly.

Gabriel was nervous to have Damian over for the first time. Usually he wasn't nervous about meeting up with a guy. Usually it wasn't more than a sex appointment. But today _everything_ mattered. From the color of the curtains to the softness of the carpet. He wanted for Damian to feel cozy and at home.

The first thing that came into view when they entered the single room apartment was the king size bed dominating the room. Gabriel considered the bed a good choice. It was big enough for two people to sleep in it but not big enough for them to avoid one another.

"Wow, that's a huge bed," Damian complimented as he walked into the room.

Gabriel resisted to make an inappropriate suggestion. "It's brand new," he explained instead. "Only bought it when I moved in a week ago." He wanted the boy to know that no other guy had ever slept in it and as far as he was concerned no other guy ever would.

Damian watched him with his big hazel eyes and a tiny smile tucking at the corner of his beautiful mouth. He understood.

"It looks very inviting," Damian remarked casually and continued to view the apartment. His eyes were drawn to the row of copies of the Harry Potter series on the bookshelf just above the bed. "You're reading Harry Potter?" he asked in surprise and reached out to take a copy off the shelf, not able to resist letting his fingers glide over the many pages.

"No, they are for you."

Damian looked up in utter surprise, instantly clutching the book to his chest. "For me?"

"Yeah," Gabriel replied, smiling happily at Damian's joyful expression. "Joey told me you haven't read them all yet, so I got you the whole series."

"Wow, I don't know what to say." Damian gazed down at the copy of _The_ _Prisoner of Azkaban_ in his hands, captivated by this unexpected gift. "You really got them for me?"

"Sure," Gabriel shrugged. "I'm not much of a reader myself. But you can come over and read them whenever you like. Even when I'm not at home."

Gabriel produced a key from his pocket and nervously held it for Damian to take, hoping the boy wouldn't take this the wrong way. "This is a spare key to this apartment. I want you to have it. Whenever you need a place to go to be alone you can come here. I'll put up my work schedule on the pin board so you'll know when I'm at work."

Damian looked at the key, stunned, speechless. He carefully took it into his hand, staring down at it like he couldn't believe it was real. Then, all of a sudden, he stepped forward. "Thank you!" Damian wrapped his arms around Gabriel, hugging him tight, pressing his face into the man's shoulder and _The Prisoner of Azkaban_ into his back. "Thank you, Gabby."

Gabriel closed his arms around the boy's shoulders and rested his chin on Damian's head, feeling a bit dizzy by this overwhelming response.

"You're welcome, Bambi," he whispered into Damian's dark curls, clearing his throat. "Now come and write your name into the books. They're all yours."

* * *

**Songs in this chapter: **

**George Michael – Faith**

* * *

**For Emsy and Pan! I love you guys!**


	5. Stay Here Forever

**Stay Here Forever**

Joey didn't know how to feel about seeing Gabriel with that girl, lounging at a table outside of that ice café. On one hand he was glad to see that his brother finally surrounded himself with people again. On the other hand it was obvious that this was just a charade. Joey suspected that Gabriel had brought this girl along just so that it was impossible to talk about personal stuff. Smartass.

But Joey wasn't planning on letting Gabriel off the hook so easily.

"Hey G!" Joey approached the table. He tried not to be too obviously upset about the fact that Gabriel didn't pick him up from the airport, which he knew was just another hint that he was unwelcome and that Gabriel didn't want him to poke deeper into his business.

At least Gabriel got up and hugged him. "Kermit! Grab a chair and join us."

Joey bit his tongue. Gabriel acted as if they just bumped into each other when actually Joey had told him he'd come all the way from Ohio and Gabriel had finally agreed to meet him and suggested this café as a meeting point.

"Who's your friend?" Joey asked when he dropped his travel bag under the table and sat down. He smiled politely at the young blonde woman sitting next to his brother.

"This is Tina," Gabriel said with a wave towards the girl.

"Gina," the blonde corrected unfazedas if used to this and held out her hand for Joey to shake.

"Hi Gina, I'm G's brother, Joseph. You can call me Joey."

"Nice to meet you, Joey," Gina said and leaned back into her chair again, shoving her sunglasses up her head. "I didn't know Gabriel had a brother."

"Well, yeah, I've lived in Ohio for about two years now," Joey explained. "I try to come over every now and then to check on him."

"Ohio? Geez, what brought you _there_ of all places?" Gina pulled a face.

"A job opportunity," Joey explained with an understanding smile.

Gina nodded gravely.

"Don't be too impressed," Gabriel cut in. "He's just a nurse in a fancy hospital but he makes it sound like he was running the place."

Joey didn't say anything to that but Gina pointed sideways to Gabriel with her thumb and said, grinning, "Has he always been like this?"

"I wish I could say no," Joey replied with a laugh. "How long have you two been dating?"

"Almost five weeks," Gina said, straightening up in her chair with a proud grin. "I'm the only one keeping up with his moods for this long."

"Moods?" Joey asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah, he's a moody jerk," Gina said with a dismissive wave of her hand. "As long as you're always aware of the fact that he's an insensitive, closed-off and independent fool you'll be fine. Just don't expect anything, like sharing a personal fact of his life."

"Remind me," Gabriel cocked his head towards his so-called girlfriend. "Why are you with me again?"

"Must be your good looks," Gina laughed. "I can't think of anything else." She reached out and patted his flat stomach.

"So, how did you two meet?" Joey asked.

"At the beach," Gina told with a spark in her eyes. "He's like the best surfer ever! He's so crazy, he's out there in the stormiest weather even when everybody else's telling him not to risk his life in that storm and he goes anyway. So fucking brave!"

"Or just plain dumb and tired of life," Joey said, his heart speeding up. He knew how dangerous surfing could be, especially when the waves were tough. It was so easy to just let go and drown.

"So why do you put up with him, Gina?"

The blonde girl shrugged. "Like I said, his good looks, and he makes me laugh. But I'm telling you if he doesn't save my phone number anytime soon I'm gone."

"I have saved your number," Gabriel replied surprised.

"Then why do you always say 'Who is it?' whenever I call you?"

Gabriel grinned. "Because I love the way you get angry when I say that."

Gina held out her hand. "Give me your phone."

Gabriel did as he was told and the girl checked his contacts, shaking her head. "I knew it! You don't have my number in here!"

"Look under A as in _Annoying_ _Girlfriend_," Gabriel instructed.

Gina scrolled through his contacts once more and laughed. She held it out for Joey to see. Indeed she was listed as _Annoying_ _Girlfriend_.

"Who's Valerie?" Gina asked as she continued to scroll the list.

"Valerie?" Gabriel scrunched up his face in puzzlement. Then he remembered. "Yeah, right, it's that crazy friend of a patient. She asked for my number to be able to get updates on his well-being but she hasn't called me yet. Gotta change the name into something I can remember better in case she calls." He took his phone back.

"You're really not good at remembering names, are you?" Gina said, raising an eyebrow at him.

"He's not good at remembering anything, like, for example picking his brother up from the airport," Joey said in a bitter tone.

"I told you not to come," Gabriel grunted.

"And I told you I was coming anyway," Joey replied.

"And where will you be staying?"

"Your place," Joey said. "If you stop acting like a douchebag, that is."

"My place? I don't think so."

"Come on, G, you've never let me crash in a hotel before!"

"That was before you told me that you hated my place," Gabriel huffed.

For a second Joey was puzzled. "Don't tell me you still live in that apartment building?" Joey asked, incredulously. "You told me months ago that you've found a new place!"

"Yeah, I found a new place but I didn't move," Gabriel said with a shrug.

"I don't understand! I thought we agreed that you needed to move out of there!" Joey exclaimed, not caring about the surrounding people. "Why don't you finally get a new place?"

"Why don't _you_ finally get a life and stop bothering me about mine?" Gabriel snapped.

"See, that's what I meant with _mood swings_," Gina chimed in, swirling the ice rocks in her glass. "Can you believe I've never even been to his apartment?" she added. "He keeps telling me it was a mess and he didn't want me to think he was a slob, but I think he hides something in there. Oh, by the way, can you tell me what the tattoo on his arm means?"

Gina grabbed for Gabriel's arm, lifting it up to expose the tattoo on his wrist. "These initials, D.E.F.? He keeps telling me it stands as a reminder for _Don't Eat Fastfood,_ but that's just ridiculous. On the other hand I'm afraid that I can actually picture him getting a tattoo that says _Don't Eat Fastfood_."

Joey chose to ignore Gina's question and turned to his brother.

"G, we need to talk," Joey said slowly and tired.

"Then talk," Gabriel said without looking up.

"You know what I wanna talk about," Joey said carefully. "Don't you want to talk in private?"

"Should I go?" Gina caught on. But Gabriel shook his head. "You can stay."

"Are you sure?" Gina looked from Gabriel to Joey, puzzled.

"You know what date it is tomorrow," Joey said seriously, again ignoring Gina. "I'm not leaving you alone tomorrow."

"Oh, is it your birthday?" Gina looked at Gabriel and then added in Joey's direction, "You know, he won't tell me when it's his birthday."

"Because birthdays aren't important. And no, it's not my birthday and Joey will keep his mouth shut from now on!"

Joey ignored the glare his brother shot him. He came to L. A. for a reason and he wouldn't let Gabriel drive him away.

"I finally found out where they've buried him," Joey said without warning. "I want to go and see his grave tomorrow."

Gina's eyes got all big. "Oh, my God, did somebody die?"

"GET LOST JOEY!" Gabriel yelled at him angrily. Then he jumped up and stormed away.

Joey quickly picked up his bag, left a dollar on the table and gave Gina an apologetic shrug before he ran after his brother.

"Wait up, G! C'mon, wait up!"

Joey couldn't run as fast as he wanted to with his big travel bag over his shoulder. When he reached the nearby parking lot he saw his brother getting into his car and driving onto the street.

"Gabriel!" Joey stopped short on the pavement, staring after his brother in annoyance. He really left him standing here?

"Don't be such a dick, G!" Joey yelled and threw his bag on the ground, raking his hands through his hair. He knew that he shouldn't tackle his brother with this, but he hated that Gabriel just shut down everytime he mentioned Damian to him.

Joey took a deep breath and just started wondering where on earth he could get a cab now when he saw the break lights on his brother's car just down the street.

Gabriel went into reverse and came back. He stopped right next to Joey, opening the door without a word. Joey put his bag on the backseat and jumped in before Gabriel changed his mind again. They didn't speak to one another on the way to Gabriel's apartment.

* * *

They ate in silence, sitting on the carpet in front of Gabriel's bed. The TV showed a stupid cartoon but neither of them was really watching.

Joey couldn't help but thinking how this room had become like a shrine for Damian. Not a thing in the apartment had changed for the past three years, not even the calender on the wall. It was like time had stopped the day Damian left.

Joey put his cup of Chinese noddles aside, suddenly not hungry anymore. Even after all this time he still felt powerless.

"Can't we talk about this like grown-ups?" Joey asked gently, approaching the topic again.

"I don't want to talk with you about any of this," Gabriel answered, anger still edging his words.

"I know," Joey said, "but we have to. Gabriel, we can't go on like this anymore. We can't act like... like... I don't even know how we're acting. Like it didn't happen? We need to deal with it and get a closure."

"Just leave me alone, Joey," Gabriel snapped at him. "It's none of your business how I'm dealing with this."

"He's gone, Gabriel. You're grieving for three years. You can't go on like this. You can't keep on living in the past and wish to turn back time."

"What else can I do?" Gabriel asked, defeated. "What do you want me to do?"

Joey took a deep breath, readying himself for what he was about to say.

"I'm in touch with his sister Amanda. I befriended her on _Facebook_. She told me that he's buried in Sacramento. I want to drive there tomorrow and see his grave and I want you to come with me."

Gabriel didn't say anything. He just shook his head slowly.

"G, it's time that you face the fact that he's gone."

"I'm facing the fact EVERY FUCKING DAY!" Gabriel yelled at him and got up, starting to pace the room and shoving his hair out of his eyes.

"Please, I don't want to go there alone," Joey said.

"THEN DON'T GO!"

"Come with me."

"I can't drive anywhere with you. I have a job, remember? I need to work."

"Work?" Joey let out a bitter laugh. "You mean swoon over that boy that looks like _him_! Gabriel, you need to stop! It's been three years! Please! I'm begging you."

"Just let me be, alright?"

"You need to stop comparing this boy to Damian."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"It just..." Gabriel rubbed a hand over his face. "It just really gets to me to see the way he's fighting for his boyfriend and to see how much he loves him and what he's willing to risk for him... He tries everything just to talk to him and be with him again..."

Joey got the hint. He had always known about Gabriel's insecurity concerning Damian.

"Damian loved you."

Gabriel turned to the window, away from his brother and bowed his head.

"He was incredibly in love with you," Joey said with more emphasis.

Gabriel shook his head. "I made him believe he was in love with me."

"No, that's not true," Joey disagreed. "I knew him. His love for you was real."

"What does it matter now?"

"It matters. A lot." Joey came closer, putting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "You remember the day you kissed him for the first time? Damian told me about it. He was so happy and excited and he kept apologizing for telling me because he thought it was awkward for me because you were my brother. I joked around and told him I'd start dating one of his sisters to pay him back." Joey grinned at the memory. "He was happy, Gabriel. He loved you."

"What's worse is that he _trusted_ me," Gabriel muttered. "And I betrayed his trust."

"What are you talking about?" Joey asked exasperated. "You did anything you could to help him."

"Do you wanna know what I really did, Joey?" Gabriel turned to his brother, looking at him with deep regret and Joey suddenly felt weak and had to sit down on the edge of the mattress.

"I told him that the love of his family wasn't real," Gabriel continued with a grotesque smile on his face. "I told him that they couldn't possibly love him if they couldn't accept him for who he was and tried to change him by putting him in that facility. At the same time his family and all the doctors told him that the love he was feeling for _me_ wasn't real, that it couldn't be real because it was abnormal and he'd end up in hell for it."

Gabriel stayed silent for a moment to let his words sink in and to collect himself. Joey just stared at him, trying to understand the graveness and impact of his brother's words.

"So basically," Gabriel went on, "Damian died believing that _no one_ loved him and that all the love he'd ever known in his life had been a lie. His family pushed him one way and I pushed him the other way. I tried to convince him to leave his family and run away with me and his family told him to never see me again. He didn't know what to believe anymore. It was too much pressure for him."

Joey was paralyzed. He'd never known about this. Gabriel had never told him about all the details of his conversations with Damian at the time their friend was in so-called medical treatment.

Finally he understood why Gabriel felt so guilty.

"Why have you never told me about this?"

"Because I'm a coward," Gabriel swallowed hard to stay composed. "I was scared that you'd hate me. I couldn't stand the thought of losing you, too."

"I'd never hate you, G."

"Well, yeah, I was also afraid that you'd _forgive_ me and try to lift the weight off of me by telling me it wasn't my fault. I can't have you or anyone else to forgive me when I'll never be able to forgive myself."

"You know what? This isn't about what you did or didn't do, Gabriel," Joey said, biting his lips. "It's about what Damian did. You finally need to forgive _Damian_. Forgive him for being weak, for not letting you save him, for not letting _anyone_ save him. For choosing a coward's way to escape."

Gabriel shook his head slowly, his voice thick with emotion. "Don't call him a coward, Joey. Don't you ever call him that again."

They stared at each other, both with with tears in their eyes.

"Come with me and tell him that you forgive him," Joey said in a low, pleading voice. "Tell him goodbye."

"I'm not ready to say goodbye yet," Gabriel said afflicted. "Can't you understand that he's still _here_ with me? I can still see him coming out of the bathroom with tousled hair, or lying on the bed his face crushed into the pillow, or sitting in front of the window on the carpet with his guitar in his lap." Gabriel stared into the corner as if he could see the boy sitting there.

"In this room I told him I loved him for the first time," Gabriel went on dreamily, "these four walls witnessed how he dumped me but also how he came back to me. Standing right here in front of the window he told me that he loved me back."

Gabriel turned to look at his brother. "Can't you see that it's impossible for me to leave this apartment? I can't turn my back on all the memories we've created in this room. I don't care what you or the world think I should be doing to because all I want to do is stay here forever."

A tear escaped Joey's eye and he brushed it away with a frustrated sigh.

"You know, sometimes I feel like I've lost you, too." The words felt heavy on his tongue and they carried all his fears, all the nights he couldn't fall asleep because he was worried sick about his brother.

"But I'm here, Joey," Gabriel replied with a sad smile. "I'll always be right _here_."

Joey nodded in silence and wiped his hand underneath his eyes. He understood. He didn't approve and it only made him worry more, but he understood.

Gabriel slumped down on his bed, feeling numb and heavy all of a sudden. He kept his eyes open to watch the light green curtain move in the breeze.

_Stay here forever. _

* * *

The window was open, a breeze was playing with the curtain, and Gabriel watched the afternoon sun rays paint a beautiful glow on the boy's face. After spending a summer at a Californian beach the boy from Oregon wasn't the pale boy anymore whom Gabriel had met about eight weeks ago.

Damian was doing homework in bed, lying on his stomach with his textbook propped up in front of him. This had become a familiar sight; still, Gabriel couldn't take his eyes off of the boy as he lay next to him, hiding his stare behind a sports magazine.

When Gabriel had come home from work Damian had already been here, immersed in reading _The Prisoner of Azkaban_. The boy always needed a gentle reminder to do his homework. Gabriel loved nothing more than watching Damian as the boy lay there, toying with a black marker and sighing every now and then pitifully at his hard schoolboy life.

"Kiss him," Damian whispered now, almost inaudible while scribbling into his notebook.

Gabriel broke out into a grin. He loved playing this game. Damian would whisper to him and pretend it was Gabriel's subconsciousness talking to him.

"Kiss him," Damian repeated in a louder murmur without looking up from his task. His curly hair covered part of his face, but Gabriel saw that the boy was grinning.

"Come on, you know you want to," Damian muttered almost without moving his lips.

Gabriel put the magazine away, propped himself up on an elbow and rested his head on his hand.

"I think I wanna kiss you," he murmured.

Damian looked up at him in fake surprise, capping the marker with a grin. "Oh, really? How come?"

Gabriel shrugged. "Voices in my head."

"Poor darling, are you ill?" Damian reached out to touch Gabriel's forehead. "Oh yeah, you're really _hot_!" Damian smiled cheekily at him.

"And you're a tease," Gabriel grinned back. He took the abandoned Harry Potter book from the pillow and pretended immense interest in its cover. "How many pages have you read today?"

"About thirty-something," Damian answered and chewed on the end of his black marker. "There's this guy living here who keeps on interrupting me and making me do homework instead."

Gabriel laughed at that. "Tell me again why your mother won't let you read Harry Potter. Are there any filthy sex scenes in it?" Gabriel skimmed curiously through the pages, causing the book mark to fall out.

"Watch my book mark!" Damian exclaimed and grabbed the book to keep it safe.

"There's no sex in Harry Potter," he informed his boyfriend. "It's something about ghosts and demons that my mother doesn't like," Damian shrugged. "She's just kind of overprotective, you know."

Damian put _The Prisoner of Azkaban_ back on the shelf above the bed. Then he gathered up his schoolbooks and put them in a stack on the floor.

"Homework's done!" he announced and lay down on his back, his curls spreading on the pillow. He looked up at his boyfriend expectantly, biting his lips.

"What are you thinking, Bambi?"

Damian blushed a little bit and averted his eyes. He started playing with Gabriel's shirt, letting his fingertips run over the soft fabric and gently pulling at it as if asking Gabriel to come closer.

"You're so handsome," Damian finally whispered.

Gabriel chuckled. "Me? I'm just a street dog. You're the cute one here."

Damian pouted. "I'm not _cute_." He pronounced the word as if it was an insult.

Gabriel smiled at him and tilted his head some more. "Are you sure you wanna be with me? I'm totally screwed up, you know? I'm good at hiding it but the truth is that I'm damaged goods." Gabriel said it with a laugh but he meant it.

"Aren't we all?" Damian replied softly, continuing to toy with the hem of Gabriel's shirt.

Gabriel raised his brows. He hadn't expected this answer. "No, you're not. You're perfect. You're an angel."

Damian chuckled at that. "I told you before I'm far from being perfect."

"You are perfect to me."

Damian smiled. "Even with my crooked teeth?"

"I love your crooked teeth."

They smiled at each other for a long moment, losing themselves in each other eyes.

"Close your eyes, please," Damian whispered and Gabriel obeyed.

He felt Damian's fingertips explore his face and all of a sudden he felt like crying. Never before had anyone touched him this gentle and lovingly before.

"Keep your eyes shut," Damian demanded with a little laugh.

Gabriel understood. Damian was shy and flustered by being so close to him. So he kept his eyes closed. He felt the boy come closer and the next moment he felt Damian's lips softly touch his cheeks, like a feather. He resisted the urge to draw him closer and kiss him down.

Damian's lips wandered to put light kisses on his forehead and his eyelids and the corner of his mouth. Eventually they brushed over Gabriel's lips and Gabriel shivered.

After a while he couldn't stand the teasing anymore and opened his lips to let the boy know that he wanted to deepen the kiss. He felt Damian's breath breeze over his face as the boy giggled at his impatience.

"Can you turn on the TV, please?" Gabriel said jokingly, acting bored. "There's this new reality show I don't wanna miss..."

"Reality show," Damian scoffed. "I'll give you reality show."

With this Damian put his hand on Gabriel's face, demanding his full attention and finally their tongues met in a hungry dance.

Gabriel loved kissing Damian. Nothing he'd ever experienced with anyone before could come close to what it felt like to kiss Damian. In fact, Gabriel had started living for the few hours of the day he would get to see Damian and his day wasn't complete before he hadn't kissed Damian at least once.

They'd made out for a while when suddenly Damian sat up and got up to fetch his guitar which he always kept at Gabriel's apartment now. He sat back on the bed with crossed legs and strummed a melody. This, too, has become a familiar sight by now.

Softly Damian started singing...

"I'm laying here dreaming, staring at the ceiling  
Wasting the day away

This feels so right, it can't be wrong  
So far as I can see  
Where you wanna go, baby, I'll do anything

'Cause if you wanna go, baby, let's go  
If you wanna rock, I'm ready to roll  
And if you wanna slow down,  
We can slow down together

Baby, we can leave right now

Baby, say the word and we'll just disappear

Lettin' go of it all, holdin' on to one another  
Oh, there's a whole other world to discover  
Under the covers

We don't gotta leave at all  
We can lay here forever  
Stay here forever  
Let's just lay here forever."

Damian let his voice trail off and plucked a few more chords before stopping his performance and meeting Gabriel's eyes with a smile.

"I wish we could just do that," Gabriel answered with a longing sigh. "Lay here forever."

"Someday we can, don't you think?" Damian asked, folding his hands on the guitar and putting his chin on it.

Gabriel just smiled at him wistfully. Damian was still so young. He had all of his life and all of the world in front of him. Gabriel doubted that Damian would stay with him forever, or even stay in California. Sooner or later Damian would be gone and Gabriel would miss him like crazy. But for now he intended to just enjoy the boy's presence and the beauty of his innocence and his smile.

"Do you put your initials on everything?" Gabriel asked, letting his finger run over the letters D.E.F. which were carved into the guitar's neck.

Damian laughed. "Yeah, I have this habit of signing all my stuff. You know, growing up with six brothers and sisters you tend to mark your belongings."

"What does the E stand for?"

"Elijah," Damian revealed his middle name.

"Damian Elijah Fernando," Gabriel spoke softly. "That's really nice."

"Thanks," Damian smiled. "I like _Gabby Street Dog_, too."

Gabriel playfully swatted at the boy's butt.

Damian leaned over the edge of the bed, grabbing for the black marker on the floor, then he stretched out on his stomach again and took Gabriel's arm.

Gabriel let him write on the soft part of his skin just underneath the wrist. When Damian was done he raised his arm to take a look and smiled when he saw that Damian had marked him as his property. The initials D.E.F. were now written on his arm.

Whenever the color wore thin Gabriel would ask Damian to take a pen and re-draw the lines of his initials, so he'd always be his.

* * *

**Songs in this chapter: **

**Jewel – Stay Here Forever**

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**Thank you everyone for reading!**

**My darling friend _normallyweirdm,_ thanks so much for proofreading this chapter. I'd be lost without you! :)**


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